After all that happened yesterday, I decided to leave the hospital for the first time and go home for a night to be with my children. They are all struggling and really needed me. After 2 hours of crying--sobbing, really--and releasing their emotions, they were able to sleep peacefully. I have been here, at the hospital, away from them, and they have all struggled with who to talk to, who to trust with their fears, their guilt, their tears. They finally got me back and they are all different children after it. They are hurting, but their faith in God's Sovereignty is amazing. Amazing. God is working in their hearts through this, too. We talked about how we can't change the past and we can't control the future, we can only pray in the moment and entrust the past and future to Him.
Many have asked if we will have the children talk to someone, a professional, about everything. The answer is an emphatic, "No!" First of all, many forget that I have my Master's in social work, trained to work with children. They would not do anything differently than I am doing already. Secondly, all counseling should be Biblical. That is the only thing that heals, that brings comfort and peace, that gives answers and hope. My children feel safe sharing with Cameron and I. They open up to us, they share everything and they are appropriately working through their grief. It is going to be a struggle, but you can't magically make it better. God has a reason why He chose our family, and these children specifically, to walk through this valley, and HE WILL use it for His glory in their lives. He will. We should not pity them. Yes, it is heartbreaking that they must also go through this. It hurts this momma's heart. But I trust in God's goodness.
They all slept peacefully last night, and today we packed up everything and headed to Ann Arbor so that our family can be together and closer to the hospital. A friend of ours who lives close to the hospital has graciously allowed us to stay at her home this week while they are away on vacation. We have worked out a schedule where 3 children will come up here from 10-1 and 3 from 2-5. We are asking visitors come after they leave, around 6 pm. We want to be able to focus completely on them when they are here.
I thought it would be difficult to go home and that memories would flood my mind, sending me into an emotional tail-spin, but instead I was overwhelmed with supernatural peace that only God can give. It was amazing. He gave me the strength to go home and face my fears and to help my children. He gave me the words to say to them to bring comfort, healing, hope and to make sense of it all. He is the Great Physician and the ONLY healer and He can use any of us if we submit to Him to work His purposes. We just must rely on the Bible for wisdom. That is the ONLY source of wisdom and healing. ONLY.
We are here as a family and it feels good.
Truman has been taken off all his sedation medication and he is beginning to move. Praise God!
In Christ, Laura