I am a book lover! If I had a free afternoon, to do anything I wanted, I would probably choose to read. When I was a teenager, I could often be found laying on my belly on my bed, reading, munching on green peppers and dip (my favorite). I loved reading so much that when I was fourteen and I went to visit my grandparents for a week in the summer, they thought I read too much and that it couldn't possibly be good for me. I reminded them of my mom, who was the same way as a kid. My grandpa would tell me to go to bed and turn out my light around 10 pm each night. But I wanted to read and thought it was too early to sleep, so I would roll up a towel and put it against the crack in the bottom of the door and read into the wee hours of the morning. I never got caught.
I love reading to my children and will often read to them for hours if I am interested in the book. Anna has "inherited" my love of reading and devours books at such speed that it amazes me. Jonas is beginning to read chapter books, but prefers nonfiction books about space, firefighters and baseball. Katria is also reading, but still working through early beginner's books. Elyse has asked me to teach her to read this school year. My prayer is that Abbie will also learn to read this year, too. She can now listen to books, whereas before this was too difficult for her, and asks great questions and expresses interest. I hope to have a family of great readers!
Since Semaiah has been born, I have read a great deal. I read while I nurse, during rest time, and after the children's bedtime because Cameron has been so busy preparing for oral boards (we don't have tv). Of course, my reading time has slowed WAY down since Cameron went back to work! Here is a list of the books I have recently read with my reviews: (and as always I am continually looking for recommendations!)
The Kite Runner: Loved it.
A Thousand Splendid Suns: Loved it. I highly recommend this book, along with The Kite Runner by the same author. Both take place in Afghanistan.
Water for Elephants: I liked this book, but can't recommend it due to some VERY explicit scenes. If you can skip those sections, it is a good read.
The Secret Life of Bees: I really enjoyed this one and really liked the main character. She was SO real to me.
Atonement by Ian McEwan: Again, one "bad" scene, but all-in-all pretty good. This book made me think about life's "what if's" and the choices we make and how it can affect our entire life.
Big Stone Gap, Big Cherry Holler, Milk Glass Moon: a trilogy (actually there is a fourth novel) that takes place in Appalachia. Quick reads. The first one is comical because the characters are SO real, so funny, full of life. Not literature like the other books, more a fun read. Made me want to go to Italy so bad! Of course, the characters aren't Christian and have a totally different world-view.
The Book Thief: Good. Sad. Lots of swearing in German. Made me think.
The Guernsey Literary and the Potato Peel Pie Society: LOVED IT! I just finished this and cannot recommend it highly enough (Thanks, Leah!).
What's next? I have a stack and a list! I simply go to my library's website, type in the title, request it and wait for a phone call. When the library tells me my book is in I run up there and grab my books! So easy. Feel free to tell me what you are reading or what you have recently read. For some reason, it is difficult for me to just pick up and read a book unless someone has recommended it to me. I want to know it is worth my time! :)
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Two Great Recipes!
The past two nights, we have eaten vegetarian meals for dinner. We eat vegetarian probably 50% of the time, because it is not only cheaper but it is also healthy. I thought I would share both recipes here because they are so good! The first one is included in my recipe book; the second is going to have to be a late addition! I found it in the most recent issue of Taste of Home and thought I would give it a try. Everyone loved it! It was so good!
Black Bean Burritos
1 (15 oz) can of black beans, rinsed and drained
1 (14.5 oz) can diced tomaotes, (or you can use fresh since they are in season)
1 (4.5 oz) can diced green chilies
1 T. chili powder
1 t. oregano
1 t. cumin
1/4 t. pepper
1/4 t. salt
1 t. lime or lemon juice (my addition)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 onion, diced
2 T. oil
~cheddar cheese
~sour cream
~lettuce
~tortillas
Saute onion in oil until soft. Add garlic and saute 1-2 additional minutes. Add remaining ingredients. Either serve in tortilla wraps and add extras at the table or, as I did yesterday, fill the tortillas, sprinkle on a generous amount of cheese and place in a large baking dish seam side down and bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes. Serve with toppings. It was much easier to eat this way, with a fork, then like a taco because my little ones spill all the contents out and get frustrated. I doubled this recipe.
Tonight's dinner:
Greek Chickpea and Walnut Burgers:
2 eggs
1/2 c. dry bread crumbs
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
1 medium carrot, shredded
1/3 c. crumbled feta cheese
1/4 c. coarsely chopped onion
1/4 c. Greek olives (I omitted because my family doesn't like them. I do, but I didn't have any)
4 sprigs fresh parsley, stems removed
1 T. lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 t. salt and pepper
1 (15 oz) cn chickpeas, drained and rinsed
5 whole wheat buns
~tomatoes
~lettuce
~cucumber sauce (recipe to follow)
(I tripled this recipe, but not the garlic, I just did two cloves. I also ran out of walnuts, so I used pecans)
In a food processor, combine the first 11 ingredients, cover and pulse four times (okay I totally had too much stuff in the processor because I tripled this and had to process and stir for quite awhile!). Add chickpeas. Pulse until chopped. Refrigerate for at least 45 minutes. Shape into patties. Coat grill rack with spray and grill burgers, covered over medium heat 3-5 minutes (something was wrong with our grill so we cooked these on a griddle on the stove). Serve on a bun with cucumber sauce and burger toppings.
My family called these falafel on a bun! (Leah F. you would love these!)They are much easier to assemble than falafel because the pita bread always seems to rip when we are stuffing it, causing our children to get upset.
Cucumber sauce
6 oz. plain yogurt (I used sour cream because I didn't have yogurt)
1 T. mayonnaise
1 t. dill
1/2 cucumber chopped very tiny
salt and pepper
Enjoy!
In Christ, Laura
Black Bean Burritos
1 (15 oz) can of black beans, rinsed and drained
1 (14.5 oz) can diced tomaotes, (or you can use fresh since they are in season)
1 (4.5 oz) can diced green chilies
1 T. chili powder
1 t. oregano
1 t. cumin
1/4 t. pepper
1/4 t. salt
1 t. lime or lemon juice (my addition)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 onion, diced
2 T. oil
~cheddar cheese
~sour cream
~lettuce
~tortillas
Saute onion in oil until soft. Add garlic and saute 1-2 additional minutes. Add remaining ingredients. Either serve in tortilla wraps and add extras at the table or, as I did yesterday, fill the tortillas, sprinkle on a generous amount of cheese and place in a large baking dish seam side down and bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes. Serve with toppings. It was much easier to eat this way, with a fork, then like a taco because my little ones spill all the contents out and get frustrated. I doubled this recipe.
Tonight's dinner:
Greek Chickpea and Walnut Burgers:
2 eggs
1/2 c. dry bread crumbs
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
1 medium carrot, shredded
1/3 c. crumbled feta cheese
1/4 c. coarsely chopped onion
1/4 c. Greek olives (I omitted because my family doesn't like them. I do, but I didn't have any)
4 sprigs fresh parsley, stems removed
1 T. lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 t. salt and pepper
1 (15 oz) cn chickpeas, drained and rinsed
5 whole wheat buns
~tomatoes
~lettuce
~cucumber sauce (recipe to follow)
(I tripled this recipe, but not the garlic, I just did two cloves. I also ran out of walnuts, so I used pecans)
In a food processor, combine the first 11 ingredients, cover and pulse four times (okay I totally had too much stuff in the processor because I tripled this and had to process and stir for quite awhile!). Add chickpeas. Pulse until chopped. Refrigerate for at least 45 minutes. Shape into patties. Coat grill rack with spray and grill burgers, covered over medium heat 3-5 minutes (something was wrong with our grill so we cooked these on a griddle on the stove). Serve on a bun with cucumber sauce and burger toppings.
My family called these falafel on a bun! (Leah F. you would love these!)They are much easier to assemble than falafel because the pita bread always seems to rip when we are stuffing it, causing our children to get upset.
Cucumber sauce
6 oz. plain yogurt (I used sour cream because I didn't have yogurt)
1 T. mayonnaise
1 t. dill
1/2 cucumber chopped very tiny
salt and pepper
Enjoy!
In Christ, Laura
Monday, July 27, 2009
Turning a Corner
I really believe we have turned a corner with Abbie. It has been amazing to be on this adoption journey and to see what God has done. Like I wrote before, I really don't think any of the negative "behaviors" Abbie displays are the "real" Abbie. I have heard from SO many of you that your adopted children do the same things. I think that this is proof that these behaviors are comparable to symptoms of a disease (not saying RAD is a disease, in an earlier post I described it as a "normal" reaction to what these children have been through--trauma!) in that they are manifestations of being hurt, fearful, anxious. Once a child begins to trust and attach the "real" person comes out.
Abbie is shining! She has become the real her and it is so fun to finally get to know who she is. She has likes and dislikes. She has a sense of humor! She is funny. I never knew she was funny! She makes me laugh. She has these great expressions when she is in a teasing mood. She even has a dimple high on her cheek that I never noticed before because she was never really smiling even when she was smiling. I feel like I have a new child! Literally, she is becoming a different kid. She is asking me questions, good questions. She is learning to speak correctly, she is playing more, she is accepting correction and moving on. God is doing a work in her heart. She still continues to test us, but she is now "reachable".
Thank you all so much for being on this journey with us, for letting me share so much of this trial with you. Thank you for all of your encouragement, kind comments, emails and gifts! I know many of you are going through the same thing with your adopted children. I also know that the things I have blogged about with Abbie are things that many in the adoption community are not honest about. It is difficult to find someone who will tell you like it really is and I really think that has to change. People need to know that they can reach out to others, that they can share their struggles, that they can be honest. I needed that during the darkest times. I needed hope. God has really showed me how important it is to be transparent with our struggles and not try to hide behind the facade of tranquil domesticity. We have needed prayer like never before and I am so thankful to my family and friends for standing in the gap for us. Your support has meant so much to us. The body of Christ is amazing.I know that we still have a long way to go, but I believe that Abbie is healing and will continue to grow in her love and attachment to us, just as we are with her.
In Christ, Laura
Abbie is shining! She has become the real her and it is so fun to finally get to know who she is. She has likes and dislikes. She has a sense of humor! She is funny. I never knew she was funny! She makes me laugh. She has these great expressions when she is in a teasing mood. She even has a dimple high on her cheek that I never noticed before because she was never really smiling even when she was smiling. I feel like I have a new child! Literally, she is becoming a different kid. She is asking me questions, good questions. She is learning to speak correctly, she is playing more, she is accepting correction and moving on. God is doing a work in her heart. She still continues to test us, but she is now "reachable".
Thank you all so much for being on this journey with us, for letting me share so much of this trial with you. Thank you for all of your encouragement, kind comments, emails and gifts! I know many of you are going through the same thing with your adopted children. I also know that the things I have blogged about with Abbie are things that many in the adoption community are not honest about. It is difficult to find someone who will tell you like it really is and I really think that has to change. People need to know that they can reach out to others, that they can share their struggles, that they can be honest. I needed that during the darkest times. I needed hope. God has really showed me how important it is to be transparent with our struggles and not try to hide behind the facade of tranquil domesticity. We have needed prayer like never before and I am so thankful to my family and friends for standing in the gap for us. Your support has meant so much to us. The body of Christ is amazing.I know that we still have a long way to go, but I believe that Abbie is healing and will continue to grow in her love and attachment to us, just as we are with her.
In Christ, Laura
Wings!
I wanted to let y'all know about Angel and her wonderful creations! She and her husband are adopting two little boys from Africa and to raise the funds, Angel makes nursing shawls, head scarves, and beautiful hair barrettes. I just got my order today and am so excited about my new head scarf! It is adorable (and brown--my favorite color!). I also ordered some cute barrettes--Katria and Elyse are growing out their bangs and their hair is forever in their eyes. Hopefully these cute bows will convince them to keep their hair pulled back! Well, Katria is pretty good about leaving in her barrettes, but you know how Elyse is!
I first heard about Angel's creations on Courtney's blog. You can support adoption, Angel and her family, and get some cute things by going HERE. Happy Shopping! (I would post a picture of me posing my new head scarf but our camera's battery is dead).
In Christ, Laura
I first heard about Angel's creations on Courtney's blog. You can support adoption, Angel and her family, and get some cute things by going HERE. Happy Shopping! (I would post a picture of me posing my new head scarf but our camera's battery is dead).
In Christ, Laura
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Figuring Things Out . . . Finally We Have "Triggers"!
I think that we are finally figuring out things with Abbie. It isn't that we are really getting that much smarter, it is just that she is finally displaying "triggers"--things that set off a chain of bad behaviors. It used to be that just life was Abbie's trigger--just being in a family and having parents. I think we are making progress though, because we are now clearly seeing "triggers" that are the root cause of her disobedience and acting-out. We are having more success because once we address what is REALLY bothering Abbie, the bad behavior ceases instantly.
Here is what happened today:
Abbie woke up and immediately began testing Cameron. This is unusual because usually it is me. One bad behavior led to another and another. I got up a little after them--around 6:30--and Cameron filled me in on what was going on. They were the only two awake and Cameron was getting ready to leave for rounds. He also planned to stay all day at the hospital and work on his case list for his oral boards. Just an aside: Abbie used to be the last one up everyday. We used to have to wake her for breakfast. However, everything changed when we began taking control away from her back in Feb./Mar.. She began to be the first one up. I believe that this was a manifestation of her need to control. Jerome used to do the same thing. Then, if you tell a child with RAD that they are up too early, go back to bed, or don't get up until a certain time, they will lay in bed and make noise (singing, humming, fake sneezing, kicking the wall) in order to wake everyone up and drive you nuts. Thus, we have just let her get up at the crack of dawn and we pretend we do not care, hoping this behavior will go away when she is less fearful and anxious.
Alright . . . back to my story! So, Cameron proceeds to take control away from Abbie and he begins to leave for work. A light bulb goes off in my head as he heads out the door and I look at Abbie sitting and pouting. I call him back in and announce to both of them: "Daddy, Abbie is mad at you that you are leaving her on a Saturday when usually this is your day off." Bingo. She starts crying. Cameron recognizes this, too and pulls Abbie into an embrace and she really lets it go then, sobbing with tears coarsing down her cheeks. Yes! We finally have REAL emotion! He addresses her anger, and explains that we should express our emotions with our words, not our bad behavior. She verbally expresses to him that she is mad. They hug. He leaves. She is fine. Totally fine so far today. Praise God!
Lately, any change in routine sets Abbie off. Someone coming over. A babysitter. Church. Our job is addressing the trigger and naming the emotion, getting her to claim it, explaining to her what is bothering her. She almost always does own it and she then moves on and is fine. This is the place we have been striving for! Not that she is fully attached and behaving like a normal child. But, we now are able to recognize triggers and so we feel like we are better able to help Abbie and she is trusting us more to show us what her triggers are and allowing us to help her!
I know that this is God, in His abundant grace, helping us to parent this child. However, even as I write these words, I wonder what is coming next . . . Have we really "arrived" at a new place or will Abbie regress again? I can only pray and trust God in His perfect timing for Abbie's healing.
In Christ, Laura
Here is what happened today:
Abbie woke up and immediately began testing Cameron. This is unusual because usually it is me. One bad behavior led to another and another. I got up a little after them--around 6:30--and Cameron filled me in on what was going on. They were the only two awake and Cameron was getting ready to leave for rounds. He also planned to stay all day at the hospital and work on his case list for his oral boards. Just an aside: Abbie used to be the last one up everyday. We used to have to wake her for breakfast. However, everything changed when we began taking control away from her back in Feb./Mar.. She began to be the first one up. I believe that this was a manifestation of her need to control. Jerome used to do the same thing. Then, if you tell a child with RAD that they are up too early, go back to bed, or don't get up until a certain time, they will lay in bed and make noise (singing, humming, fake sneezing, kicking the wall) in order to wake everyone up and drive you nuts. Thus, we have just let her get up at the crack of dawn and we pretend we do not care, hoping this behavior will go away when she is less fearful and anxious.
Alright . . . back to my story! So, Cameron proceeds to take control away from Abbie and he begins to leave for work. A light bulb goes off in my head as he heads out the door and I look at Abbie sitting and pouting. I call him back in and announce to both of them: "Daddy, Abbie is mad at you that you are leaving her on a Saturday when usually this is your day off." Bingo. She starts crying. Cameron recognizes this, too and pulls Abbie into an embrace and she really lets it go then, sobbing with tears coarsing down her cheeks. Yes! We finally have REAL emotion! He addresses her anger, and explains that we should express our emotions with our words, not our bad behavior. She verbally expresses to him that she is mad. They hug. He leaves. She is fine. Totally fine so far today. Praise God!
Lately, any change in routine sets Abbie off. Someone coming over. A babysitter. Church. Our job is addressing the trigger and naming the emotion, getting her to claim it, explaining to her what is bothering her. She almost always does own it and she then moves on and is fine. This is the place we have been striving for! Not that she is fully attached and behaving like a normal child. But, we now are able to recognize triggers and so we feel like we are better able to help Abbie and she is trusting us more to show us what her triggers are and allowing us to help her!
I know that this is God, in His abundant grace, helping us to parent this child. However, even as I write these words, I wonder what is coming next . . . Have we really "arrived" at a new place or will Abbie regress again? I can only pray and trust God in His perfect timing for Abbie's healing.
In Christ, Laura
Friday, July 24, 2009
Renewed Perspective
After a nice long talk with my husband last night, a good night's sleep, and a quiet time with the Lord this morning, I am feeling so much better. I have to confess that since Semaiah has been born, it has been difficult to find time to spend with God--uninterrupted, quiet time. I have been relying on little snatches of God's Word, here and there, and it has not been satisfying, but has left me empty. Mornings work best for me and when I am nursing a little one at any given hour of the night, it makes it difficult to wake early. I now see that neglecting that time takes a great toll on my emotions and perspective. I need to renew my mind daily in order to not only keep my focus on Christ, but keep my emotions in check, and keep my perspective one that is based on truth and not the lies of this world.
Cameron was so great, too--speaking truth to me and reminding me that this season will pass. He did tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself and do all things for the glory of God, choosing to have joy, reminding me that this is what life is about and not my happiness in running around doing fun activities.
In addition, I was reminded that when I address the heart issue of why Abbie is acting out, usually some fear, her behavior improves. So, I sat her down yesterday afternoon and told her boldly that she did not hate me, but she actually loved me more than anyone else in the whole world and that she was mean to me because she was afraid to lose me! Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded her head. She gave me a hug and was fine the rest of the day. We have seen her becoming more and more "normal". I can't even describe the transformation except that she is just acting like a kid with smiles, and normal expressions and conversation. She is not challenging me quite as much the past few days. Now, this could all change in a moment's notice, I know, and I need to prepare myself for that so that when the storm comes again, I am not knocked down by it.
God reminded me today in Psalm 91:1 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." I know that I have not been dwelling in the shelter of God. Admittedly, after each baby this happens. You think I would know better. However, sleep deprivation, hormones, lack of structure all take their toll until I am empty and need God to fill me up. It is humbling to know that I am so utterly dependent on God just to have my emotions be stabilized. Without Him, I am nothing and can do nothing. Just with my quiet time this morning, I feel such joy, I feel nourished. I have peace that I can walk through today's trials and it will not shake me. I can find rest in God alone--not in an extra hour of sleep, not in getting out of the house, not in a routine, not in having Cameron around more (although that would be nice!), and not in obedient children. Why do I look to outside things to bring me joy when I can have joy even in the most difficult of trials if I will just go to Him? Even life with a newborn can be a time of "rest" if I am dwelling in the shelter of the Most High! God is faithful to fill us when we go to Him with our mouths wide open, asking and expecting to be filled. Praise God!
Seek the Lord, all you who are weary and need to find rest and He will be found AND He will renew you!
In Christ, Laura
Cameron was so great, too--speaking truth to me and reminding me that this season will pass. He did tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself and do all things for the glory of God, choosing to have joy, reminding me that this is what life is about and not my happiness in running around doing fun activities.
In addition, I was reminded that when I address the heart issue of why Abbie is acting out, usually some fear, her behavior improves. So, I sat her down yesterday afternoon and told her boldly that she did not hate me, but she actually loved me more than anyone else in the whole world and that she was mean to me because she was afraid to lose me! Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded her head. She gave me a hug and was fine the rest of the day. We have seen her becoming more and more "normal". I can't even describe the transformation except that she is just acting like a kid with smiles, and normal expressions and conversation. She is not challenging me quite as much the past few days. Now, this could all change in a moment's notice, I know, and I need to prepare myself for that so that when the storm comes again, I am not knocked down by it.
God reminded me today in Psalm 91:1 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." I know that I have not been dwelling in the shelter of God. Admittedly, after each baby this happens. You think I would know better. However, sleep deprivation, hormones, lack of structure all take their toll until I am empty and need God to fill me up. It is humbling to know that I am so utterly dependent on God just to have my emotions be stabilized. Without Him, I am nothing and can do nothing. Just with my quiet time this morning, I feel such joy, I feel nourished. I have peace that I can walk through today's trials and it will not shake me. I can find rest in God alone--not in an extra hour of sleep, not in getting out of the house, not in a routine, not in having Cameron around more (although that would be nice!), and not in obedient children. Why do I look to outside things to bring me joy when I can have joy even in the most difficult of trials if I will just go to Him? Even life with a newborn can be a time of "rest" if I am dwelling in the shelter of the Most High! God is faithful to fill us when we go to Him with our mouths wide open, asking and expecting to be filled. Praise God!
Seek the Lord, all you who are weary and need to find rest and He will be found AND He will renew you!
In Christ, Laura
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Post Partum and Overwhelmed
You would think that after having 6 babies, I would have the hang of this mothering thing. That I would have a baby and life would just pop back to "normal". That I would know what I am doing and would be some kind of pro at this. Actually, in all honesty, I am overwhelmed. I hope that doesn't disappoint you (sarcasm) because maybe you thought "Surely this momma has it all together. She MUST have it together to have 7 kids under the age of 8!" Yeah right. I am just a normal mom, who deals with constant clutter, disobedient children, and days where I feel blue, and having a baby just adds to the chaos!
Having a newborn is hard. It doesn't matter if it is your first time or your 6th (can't speak past that). It takes awhile to adjust. Every baby is different and every season of our lives is different. We are in a tough season right now. Cameron is preparing to take his oral boards in December. He is frantically entering cases into the computer that he has done over the past 2 years and it is literally occupying his every waking moment when he is not at work. He has an August 3rd deadline. Please pray that he finishes in time!
And then there is Abbie. Today she told me she doesn't love me because I am mean. If that isn't a slap in the face after all I have done for her, all that I do for her, all I have been through with her, I don't know what is. To top it off, she said she loves daddy because he is nice. Does that sound like a kid who has RAD, or what? The mom is always the target. I know this, but it still hurts. She is the one who is mean to me. I know that this is another symptom of RAD--to see others as mean instead of the self--but it still hurts. I know that she doesn't even know what it means to love and she said this as another attempt to hurt me and make me mad, but that doesn't matter, it still hurts. How can I prove to this girl that I love her, that I am not mean, that she can trust me? What more can I do or say? On the other hand, I know that she really doesn't mean any of what she said and it is yet another attempt to make me mad and push me away. A game with words she is playing.
In addition to this "tough season of life" it is a tough season in which to have a baby! It is summer and I am feeling sorry for myself. Summertime with a newborn is hard, I have discovered. How do you take a newborn to the pool when you have 6 others to watch? How do you go the beach? Who even wants to go to the park in this heat or even for a walk? It can feel isolating to have a newborn. In addition to all that, we have all had a cold this week, including Semaiah and me. We are doing some school, and that keeps us occupied, but in the back of my mind I know that everyone else is out there enjoying their summer, running here and there. It kind of makes me want to have a pity-party for myself.
Yes, there are some things that ARE easier because this is my sixth baby. I know her cries, I know when she is tired and when she is hungry. I am also enjoying her infancy more because I know it is so fleeting. I have no complaints about nursing her in the middle of the night. I no longer care that much about a "schedule" and I am not going to worry that I am spoiling her by holding her too much or nursing her on demand. I just don't care about these things anymore. I am going to do things differently this time around.
I know our new "normal" will emerge over time, but things just kind of feel out of whack. I thrive on routine and when it changes it throws me off. Eventually, we will get into a groove and I will feel on top of things again. For now, I am just trying to keep my head above water, figuring out how to keep up with all the "old stuff" (school, chores, errands, cooking etc.) and add a new factor into the equation (a newborn).
Life with a newborn is tough, but it is so sweet, too. I need to remind myself to savor every moment of this crazy, chaotic time! Before I know it, this time will be gone. A routine will come, but my baby won't be little forever.
In Christ, Laura
Having a newborn is hard. It doesn't matter if it is your first time or your 6th (can't speak past that). It takes awhile to adjust. Every baby is different and every season of our lives is different. We are in a tough season right now. Cameron is preparing to take his oral boards in December. He is frantically entering cases into the computer that he has done over the past 2 years and it is literally occupying his every waking moment when he is not at work. He has an August 3rd deadline. Please pray that he finishes in time!
And then there is Abbie. Today she told me she doesn't love me because I am mean. If that isn't a slap in the face after all I have done for her, all that I do for her, all I have been through with her, I don't know what is. To top it off, she said she loves daddy because he is nice. Does that sound like a kid who has RAD, or what? The mom is always the target. I know this, but it still hurts. She is the one who is mean to me. I know that this is another symptom of RAD--to see others as mean instead of the self--but it still hurts. I know that she doesn't even know what it means to love and she said this as another attempt to hurt me and make me mad, but that doesn't matter, it still hurts. How can I prove to this girl that I love her, that I am not mean, that she can trust me? What more can I do or say? On the other hand, I know that she really doesn't mean any of what she said and it is yet another attempt to make me mad and push me away. A game with words she is playing.
In addition to this "tough season of life" it is a tough season in which to have a baby! It is summer and I am feeling sorry for myself. Summertime with a newborn is hard, I have discovered. How do you take a newborn to the pool when you have 6 others to watch? How do you go the beach? Who even wants to go to the park in this heat or even for a walk? It can feel isolating to have a newborn. In addition to all that, we have all had a cold this week, including Semaiah and me. We are doing some school, and that keeps us occupied, but in the back of my mind I know that everyone else is out there enjoying their summer, running here and there. It kind of makes me want to have a pity-party for myself.
Yes, there are some things that ARE easier because this is my sixth baby. I know her cries, I know when she is tired and when she is hungry. I am also enjoying her infancy more because I know it is so fleeting. I have no complaints about nursing her in the middle of the night. I no longer care that much about a "schedule" and I am not going to worry that I am spoiling her by holding her too much or nursing her on demand. I just don't care about these things anymore. I am going to do things differently this time around.
I know our new "normal" will emerge over time, but things just kind of feel out of whack. I thrive on routine and when it changes it throws me off. Eventually, we will get into a groove and I will feel on top of things again. For now, I am just trying to keep my head above water, figuring out how to keep up with all the "old stuff" (school, chores, errands, cooking etc.) and add a new factor into the equation (a newborn).
Life with a newborn is tough, but it is so sweet, too. I need to remind myself to savor every moment of this crazy, chaotic time! Before I know it, this time will be gone. A routine will come, but my baby won't be little forever.
In Christ, Laura
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Blueberries, Chickens & Abbie
This week, our family picked blueberries. We have a favorite place we go to that is at someone's house, off the beaten path. There is another blueberry places much closer, but there is something different about this patch. The blueberries are on low bushes, as opposed to the large almost tree-like bushes at the other place. The blueberries are also bigger and sweeter. We stumbled upon this place several years ago when I was pregnant with Katria and we joke that it is our family secret! :) It is about an hour away, but so worth the drive! We picked 20 pints of blueberries! Poor Cameron got stung by a bee within the first minute of picking! The kids ate so many blueberries and cute little Haven continually exclaimed with a loud gasp, "Here More!", as she found an abundance of berries in low places. Semaiah slept almost the entire time and when she awoke I just sat down in the blueberry patch and nursed her. It was so peaceful there, we were the only ones. The children felt bad that mommy couldn't pick so they fed me blueberries while I nursed, so sweet!
Today, the kids helped me make blueberry jam. It is our favorite to put on Dutch pancakes! We now are stocked with a year's supply of strawberry and blueberry jam. Anna and Jonas are trying to figure out what other kind of jam we can make! This summer, we will also make refrigerator pickles and can salsa from the tomatoes in our garden. I just started canning a few years ago and I love it! It is so satisfying to eat the fruit of your labor. I would love some more ideas of things to can. So . . . what do you can? Any recipes for relish or salsa?
Yesterday, we also got our baby chicks! We got 5 of each of the following: Barred Rock, Buff Orpington, and Golden Comet. We also got one rooster, but I forget which kind he is. They are so cute and the kids love them, but we were instructed not to handle them too much or scare them or they could turn out to be not very nice when they are older. I would think the opposite, that the more we handle them, the more tame they would be, but I guess not?
Abbie continues to test and I have to confess I have gotten pretty discouraged and I am sure it is due to being hormonal and post-partum. At the blueberry patch, we told Anna not to feed the dog who lived there blueberries, so Abbie immediately headed over with her pail to feed him. Then, Cameron told the kids not to pick the branches, but just the berries. Of course, she walked right over to ME (not him) and picked a branch and said happily, innocently, "look at my blueberry, mommy!". I smiled and ignored the disobedience. Less than 2 minutes later, she came running full-speed, down the row yelling, "Mommy! Mommy, look at what I got! Lots of blueberry!", and in each hand she held a branch with leaves. *sigh*. I told her that if she stopped biting her nails, I would paint them pretty, so now every time I look at her, she puts her fingernails in her mouth and bites away.
Will it ever end? Honestly, I am tired, and I know it is because I just had a baby, but sometimes I think I am going to forever battle a child who goes slower when I tell her to speed up, who sabotages every fun activity, and who refuses to read because she knows this is what I desire, and who will not speak right just to aggravate everyone. There is hope, I know. Jesus can heal, and through Him I can do all things because He called me to this. I can love her because He will love her through me. But, I have to admit, it is SO hard to choose love. I smile on the outside when she lies to me, yet I am screaming on the inside.
And I have to confess, it confuses me why someone would deliberately not comb their hair, spit toothpaste on their clothes "on accident" (yeah, right), and pretend to not understand simple words like "drawer" (This a drawer, mommy?, as she points to my jewelry box, even though she uses the word everyday!). I have to take it one day at a time--I can't think that I will be doing this next week, next month, next year or I will despair. Is it really my job to change her anyways? Can I heal her? Does any parenting formula or technique work? Only God can change her heart. But, sometimes I do feel like giving up. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and think, "Why me, Lord? Why did you give me THIS child? Did you really call me to this? If you love me, then why?" and I know that this is wrong, that I must call it joy, this trial, that I must deny myself and pick up my cross, that I must love those who hate me. Why not me? God gave me Abbie because He DOES love me. It is a pit that is hard to climb out of when we begin to feel sorry for ourselves. I try not to even go there, but I do crumble occasionally, and more so since I have had Semaiah.
My prayer is that we are making PROGRESS and not just continuing in a circle of her doing the same things and me reacting, her repeating the behavior, me reacting. My prayer is that I am getting through and progress may be too minuscule to recognize, but is there. I pray that I am not doing anything to make it worse. I pray that healing is taking place and I just don't know what healing looks like. I have never done this. Sometimes, I just need hope that things are getting better and right now I just have God's promise that He will never give me more than I can handle. He is my hope in this hopeless situation.
Pray for us. Pray for Abbie. Pray for her to see her need for Jesus. I am weary, but I will not give up. In Christ alone my hope is found.
In Christ, Laura
Today, the kids helped me make blueberry jam. It is our favorite to put on Dutch pancakes! We now are stocked with a year's supply of strawberry and blueberry jam. Anna and Jonas are trying to figure out what other kind of jam we can make! This summer, we will also make refrigerator pickles and can salsa from the tomatoes in our garden. I just started canning a few years ago and I love it! It is so satisfying to eat the fruit of your labor. I would love some more ideas of things to can. So . . . what do you can? Any recipes for relish or salsa?
Yesterday, we also got our baby chicks! We got 5 of each of the following: Barred Rock, Buff Orpington, and Golden Comet. We also got one rooster, but I forget which kind he is. They are so cute and the kids love them, but we were instructed not to handle them too much or scare them or they could turn out to be not very nice when they are older. I would think the opposite, that the more we handle them, the more tame they would be, but I guess not?
Abbie continues to test and I have to confess I have gotten pretty discouraged and I am sure it is due to being hormonal and post-partum. At the blueberry patch, we told Anna not to feed the dog who lived there blueberries, so Abbie immediately headed over with her pail to feed him. Then, Cameron told the kids not to pick the branches, but just the berries. Of course, she walked right over to ME (not him) and picked a branch and said happily, innocently, "look at my blueberry, mommy!". I smiled and ignored the disobedience. Less than 2 minutes later, she came running full-speed, down the row yelling, "Mommy! Mommy, look at what I got! Lots of blueberry!", and in each hand she held a branch with leaves. *sigh*. I told her that if she stopped biting her nails, I would paint them pretty, so now every time I look at her, she puts her fingernails in her mouth and bites away.
Will it ever end? Honestly, I am tired, and I know it is because I just had a baby, but sometimes I think I am going to forever battle a child who goes slower when I tell her to speed up, who sabotages every fun activity, and who refuses to read because she knows this is what I desire, and who will not speak right just to aggravate everyone. There is hope, I know. Jesus can heal, and through Him I can do all things because He called me to this. I can love her because He will love her through me. But, I have to admit, it is SO hard to choose love. I smile on the outside when she lies to me, yet I am screaming on the inside.
And I have to confess, it confuses me why someone would deliberately not comb their hair, spit toothpaste on their clothes "on accident" (yeah, right), and pretend to not understand simple words like "drawer" (This a drawer, mommy?, as she points to my jewelry box, even though she uses the word everyday!). I have to take it one day at a time--I can't think that I will be doing this next week, next month, next year or I will despair. Is it really my job to change her anyways? Can I heal her? Does any parenting formula or technique work? Only God can change her heart. But, sometimes I do feel like giving up. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and think, "Why me, Lord? Why did you give me THIS child? Did you really call me to this? If you love me, then why?" and I know that this is wrong, that I must call it joy, this trial, that I must deny myself and pick up my cross, that I must love those who hate me. Why not me? God gave me Abbie because He DOES love me. It is a pit that is hard to climb out of when we begin to feel sorry for ourselves. I try not to even go there, but I do crumble occasionally, and more so since I have had Semaiah.
My prayer is that we are making PROGRESS and not just continuing in a circle of her doing the same things and me reacting, her repeating the behavior, me reacting. My prayer is that I am getting through and progress may be too minuscule to recognize, but is there. I pray that I am not doing anything to make it worse. I pray that healing is taking place and I just don't know what healing looks like. I have never done this. Sometimes, I just need hope that things are getting better and right now I just have God's promise that He will never give me more than I can handle. He is my hope in this hopeless situation.
Pray for us. Pray for Abbie. Pray for her to see her need for Jesus. I am weary, but I will not give up. In Christ alone my hope is found.
In Christ, Laura
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Favorite Things
Cameron is on-call tonight. For an ob/gyn physician, that means in-house (at the hospital) all night. It is always a long day knowing Cameron is not going to be coming home. The kids are disappointed and dinner feels different (although bedtime is earlier! ;) )
In order to cheer myself up, I thought I would make a list of a few of my favorite things!
Here are 10 things that are guaranteed to boost my spirits.
1) A cup of tea. I love tea. I used to just do tea bags, but my friend, Christi, got me hooked on good loose leaf tea, freshly brewed. There is nothing like it to lift your mood! Cameron got me some loose leaf tea and a nice strainer for mother's day. Then, some friends who work with Cameron threw me a "mommy shower" and showered me with gifts, among them lots of loose leaf tea, a mug with a strainer, and a great tea pot in which to steep tea. When I sit down to do school with my kids, you will most likely find a cup of hot tea next to me. It makes me look forward to this time with my kids. I usually have another cup during rest time and sometimes one more on those long afternoons that I am counting the hours until Cameron comes home. My girls now love to have their own tea parties--it is so much fun! Tea makes me feel good! My favorite? Black tea with a tablespoon of sugar and a splash of milk! :)
2) A good book. I love to read and always have. What I don't like to read? Science-fiction and fantasy. Call me a realist, but anything unbelievable makes me cringe. I could not get through "One Hundred Years' of Solitude" because of that--no matter how good everyone says the book is!
3)A good deal. There is such a sense of accomplishment I feel when I find a good deal. I love thrift stores, used book stores and garage sales. Most likely, if you see something in my house you like, I will tell you what a good deal I got on it! Why pay full price when you can get a deal? I think I drive Cameron a little nuts with this one. When I do have to pay regular price for something I tend to think it is outrageous and Cameron has to remind me that it is "normal" to pay certain prices for things.
4) A clean house. Although I have a slew of kids, I will not succumb to letting my standards of neatness go. It would just drive me nuts. It does now when I see clutter left out. I think I am unwittingly turning all of my kids into slobs though in rebellion to me! Yes, they may be neat now, but wait until they are on their own! They will have disorganized closets just to spite me, I know it!
5) Good music, particularly good praise music. I don't listen to anything non-Christian because of my past and where it takes my mind. However, I do tend to like heavier music. Back in the day, I went to a lot of concerts, most of them alternative music. I have been in mosh pits and "rode the crowd" and I still enjoy music that is "edgy-er". I also can't stand any song that is intended to pull my heart strings. It is just too much cheese for me. So . . . at our wedding, Cameron and I danced to an instrumental song and I don't remember what I danced to with my dad. No matter how much my mom pushed, I just couldn't do "Butterfly Kisses". (sorry, just not me). I do remember that we danced to a lot of Beck! Right now, I really like Need to Breathe, Matt Kearney, Jennifer Knapp, etc.
6) Reading to my kids. This is my favorite part of homeschool. My kids love it and I love a good book. If I don't like the book, I can't read it to my kids. I have to look forward to reading it or it just doesn't work. I can't stand any book with talking animals (for older kids, that is--chapter books). Remember, I don't like the "unbelievability" factor? So . . . "Charlotte's Web", "Ralph S. Mouse", "The Trumpet of the Swan" all out. It's just me. I'm weird.
7) Salads. I love me a good salad. I have always loved salads. Even when I was a kid, I ordered a salad every time we went out to eat. Every time. Not kidding. Five years old, eating a salad at Burger Chef. Does anyone else remember Burger Chef? My grandma used to take me out to eat and I would choose Burger Chef over any fast food restaurant because they had salads. I could eat a salad every day and never get tired of it. In fact, when Katria was in the hospital with meningitis, I got free meals because I was nursing. I ate a chef salad for lunch and dinner, EVERYDAY for a month. No joke.
8) A good work out. I like to exercise. I used to run a lot. I ran in high school on the track team. I was a sprinter. In college, I ran for enjoyment. I ran even when I had a couple of kids. I threw them in the double jogger and off we went. Now, it is next to impossible. So, I do workout tapes with weights. Yes, they are totally cheesy, but the workout isn't. I am talking squats, lunges, pushups, all with weights. Weights on your shoulders, in your hands, strapped to your ankles. I like to "feel the burn" and I am the weirdo who thinks it is great if I am sore the next day after a workout. Not now, I'm not working out. But, I did this until I was 34 weeks pregnant. However, I don't like pilates and such. Too slow. And although I used to enjoy Tae Bo, I think it makes my head hurt or something. All that jumping around and kicking and such. Too much.
9) Being a woman. It's not that I have ever disliked being feminine, but at one time I didn't embrace all that being a woman was meant to be. I used to not ever want to get married or have kids. I wanted to have a career and compete in a "man's world". I just don't feel that need anymore. I see the strength in being a woman, being who God intended me to be, doing what God intended me to do: The highest calling for a woman--being a wife and mother. I used to think "equality" meant doing the same thing as a man, just as good. But, equality is also doing a completely different job than a man and having it be valued just as highly. That is what I would love women to see. We are NOT stuck at home, raising kids, waiting, waiting, waiting until they are grown so we can do "our thing". NO! What we do is SO important, so much value. I have learned to love what my body was created to do: bear and nurse children. It is amazing and I hope I never de-value or complain about it again!
10) Having good, long, uninterrupted talks with my husband. We have so much to say to each other. Even after 10 years of marriage you can't shut us up. I never want to be one of those middle-aged couples who sits at the booth in the restaurant in silence, or drives on the highway in silence. It depresses me. There is so much to talk about, so much to say! Cameron and I can't find enough time to share with each other what is on our minds. I hope we stay this way!
So . . . those are a few of my favorite things. These things cheer me up and characterize who I am. I am sure I could think of dozens more if I let myself. These are just the first 10 that came to mind! :)
In Christ, Laura
In order to cheer myself up, I thought I would make a list of a few of my favorite things!
Here are 10 things that are guaranteed to boost my spirits.
1) A cup of tea. I love tea. I used to just do tea bags, but my friend, Christi, got me hooked on good loose leaf tea, freshly brewed. There is nothing like it to lift your mood! Cameron got me some loose leaf tea and a nice strainer for mother's day. Then, some friends who work with Cameron threw me a "mommy shower" and showered me with gifts, among them lots of loose leaf tea, a mug with a strainer, and a great tea pot in which to steep tea. When I sit down to do school with my kids, you will most likely find a cup of hot tea next to me. It makes me look forward to this time with my kids. I usually have another cup during rest time and sometimes one more on those long afternoons that I am counting the hours until Cameron comes home. My girls now love to have their own tea parties--it is so much fun! Tea makes me feel good! My favorite? Black tea with a tablespoon of sugar and a splash of milk! :)
2) A good book. I love to read and always have. What I don't like to read? Science-fiction and fantasy. Call me a realist, but anything unbelievable makes me cringe. I could not get through "One Hundred Years' of Solitude" because of that--no matter how good everyone says the book is!
3)A good deal. There is such a sense of accomplishment I feel when I find a good deal. I love thrift stores, used book stores and garage sales. Most likely, if you see something in my house you like, I will tell you what a good deal I got on it! Why pay full price when you can get a deal? I think I drive Cameron a little nuts with this one. When I do have to pay regular price for something I tend to think it is outrageous and Cameron has to remind me that it is "normal" to pay certain prices for things.
4) A clean house. Although I have a slew of kids, I will not succumb to letting my standards of neatness go. It would just drive me nuts. It does now when I see clutter left out. I think I am unwittingly turning all of my kids into slobs though in rebellion to me! Yes, they may be neat now, but wait until they are on their own! They will have disorganized closets just to spite me, I know it!
5) Good music, particularly good praise music. I don't listen to anything non-Christian because of my past and where it takes my mind. However, I do tend to like heavier music. Back in the day, I went to a lot of concerts, most of them alternative music. I have been in mosh pits and "rode the crowd" and I still enjoy music that is "edgy-er". I also can't stand any song that is intended to pull my heart strings. It is just too much cheese for me. So . . . at our wedding, Cameron and I danced to an instrumental song and I don't remember what I danced to with my dad. No matter how much my mom pushed, I just couldn't do "Butterfly Kisses". (sorry, just not me). I do remember that we danced to a lot of Beck! Right now, I really like Need to Breathe, Matt Kearney, Jennifer Knapp, etc.
6) Reading to my kids. This is my favorite part of homeschool. My kids love it and I love a good book. If I don't like the book, I can't read it to my kids. I have to look forward to reading it or it just doesn't work. I can't stand any book with talking animals (for older kids, that is--chapter books). Remember, I don't like the "unbelievability" factor? So . . . "Charlotte's Web", "Ralph S. Mouse", "The Trumpet of the Swan" all out. It's just me. I'm weird.
7) Salads. I love me a good salad. I have always loved salads. Even when I was a kid, I ordered a salad every time we went out to eat. Every time. Not kidding. Five years old, eating a salad at Burger Chef. Does anyone else remember Burger Chef? My grandma used to take me out to eat and I would choose Burger Chef over any fast food restaurant because they had salads. I could eat a salad every day and never get tired of it. In fact, when Katria was in the hospital with meningitis, I got free meals because I was nursing. I ate a chef salad for lunch and dinner, EVERYDAY for a month. No joke.
8) A good work out. I like to exercise. I used to run a lot. I ran in high school on the track team. I was a sprinter. In college, I ran for enjoyment. I ran even when I had a couple of kids. I threw them in the double jogger and off we went. Now, it is next to impossible. So, I do workout tapes with weights. Yes, they are totally cheesy, but the workout isn't. I am talking squats, lunges, pushups, all with weights. Weights on your shoulders, in your hands, strapped to your ankles. I like to "feel the burn" and I am the weirdo who thinks it is great if I am sore the next day after a workout. Not now, I'm not working out. But, I did this until I was 34 weeks pregnant. However, I don't like pilates and such. Too slow. And although I used to enjoy Tae Bo, I think it makes my head hurt or something. All that jumping around and kicking and such. Too much.
9) Being a woman. It's not that I have ever disliked being feminine, but at one time I didn't embrace all that being a woman was meant to be. I used to not ever want to get married or have kids. I wanted to have a career and compete in a "man's world". I just don't feel that need anymore. I see the strength in being a woman, being who God intended me to be, doing what God intended me to do: The highest calling for a woman--being a wife and mother. I used to think "equality" meant doing the same thing as a man, just as good. But, equality is also doing a completely different job than a man and having it be valued just as highly. That is what I would love women to see. We are NOT stuck at home, raising kids, waiting, waiting, waiting until they are grown so we can do "our thing". NO! What we do is SO important, so much value. I have learned to love what my body was created to do: bear and nurse children. It is amazing and I hope I never de-value or complain about it again!
10) Having good, long, uninterrupted talks with my husband. We have so much to say to each other. Even after 10 years of marriage you can't shut us up. I never want to be one of those middle-aged couples who sits at the booth in the restaurant in silence, or drives on the highway in silence. It depresses me. There is so much to talk about, so much to say! Cameron and I can't find enough time to share with each other what is on our minds. I hope we stay this way!
So . . . those are a few of my favorite things. These things cheer me up and characterize who I am. I am sure I could think of dozens more if I let myself. These are just the first 10 that came to mind! :)
In Christ, Laura
Eyes
Brown Eyes:
Blue Eyes:
Green Eyes:
Brown Eyes:
What Color Will Semaiah Have?
It is so much fun that our childen all look different! I know there are resemblances, but to me they are all so unique! So far, and I know this is hard to believe, Semaiah looks like Elyse as a baby! Elyse had dark har when she was born and it all fell out and came back blond and curly! Semaiah, so far, seems like she is going to keep her blue eyes! We'll see . . . only time will tell! :)
Blue Eyes:
Green Eyes:
Brown Eyes:
What Color Will Semaiah Have?
It is so much fun that our childen all look different! I know there are resemblances, but to me they are all so unique! So far, and I know this is hard to believe, Semaiah looks like Elyse as a baby! Elyse had dark har when she was born and it all fell out and came back blond and curly! Semaiah, so far, seems like she is going to keep her blue eyes! We'll see . . . only time will tell! :)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Turkish Cooking
I LOVE Turkish cuisine. I fell in love with it the first time I visited Turkey in 1997. Cameron and I traveled there in 2000 during our first year of marriage. Since then, I have tried to replicate many of the dishes I had while there. I have posted a few of them on this blog.
I recently learned that Turkish cooking is the third largest cuisine in the world, after Chinese and French. I also discovered that it is the healthiest cuisine in the world! Turkish cooking includes fresh ingredients, using lots of vegetables and grains. Many recipes are very simple, relying on the natural flavor of the food instead of masking it with dressings and sauces.
I found this website last week and have been so excited to try out some of the recipes! The woman who writes this website also has a Turkish cookbook out!
Here is a recipe for a Turkish salad that I found HERE. It is really easy, so even a sleep-deprived momma of a newborn can throw it together!
Turkish Salad
1 1/2 cups diced tomatoes
1 cup diced green bell pepper
1 cup diced peeled cucumber
1/2 cup minced fresh parsley
1/3 cup green onion
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon fresh ground pepper
Combine all ingredients and chill for at least an hour before serving.
That's it! So easy, fresh and healthy! In almost every restaurant in Turkey, this salad is placed on the table, sort of as an appetizer.
I find it so much fun to not only try new recipes, but to also try recipes from international cuisine. Some of our family favorites are not pizza and spaghetti, but Lahmajoon and African peanut soup. I consider it important for my children to try new foods. Hopefully it will make them adventurous in their tastes! Then, if God calls them into missions overseas they will be more likely to try new things, embracing the culture where God has placed them.
In Christ, Laura
I recently learned that Turkish cooking is the third largest cuisine in the world, after Chinese and French. I also discovered that it is the healthiest cuisine in the world! Turkish cooking includes fresh ingredients, using lots of vegetables and grains. Many recipes are very simple, relying on the natural flavor of the food instead of masking it with dressings and sauces.
I found this website last week and have been so excited to try out some of the recipes! The woman who writes this website also has a Turkish cookbook out!
Here is a recipe for a Turkish salad that I found HERE. It is really easy, so even a sleep-deprived momma of a newborn can throw it together!
Turkish Salad
1 1/2 cups diced tomatoes
1 cup diced green bell pepper
1 cup diced peeled cucumber
1/2 cup minced fresh parsley
1/3 cup green onion
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon fresh ground pepper
Combine all ingredients and chill for at least an hour before serving.
That's it! So easy, fresh and healthy! In almost every restaurant in Turkey, this salad is placed on the table, sort of as an appetizer.
I find it so much fun to not only try new recipes, but to also try recipes from international cuisine. Some of our family favorites are not pizza and spaghetti, but Lahmajoon and African peanut soup. I consider it important for my children to try new foods. Hopefully it will make them adventurous in their tastes! Then, if God calls them into missions overseas they will be more likely to try new things, embracing the culture where God has placed them.
In Christ, Laura
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Co-Sleeping
I am a momma that co-sleeps with my babies. I never really planned this. When I was pregnant with Anna, I was in grad school getting my Master's in Social Work. In my Infant and Child Development class, a classmate did a report on co-sleeping. I learned many interesting things, but it did not convince me to co-sleep. I entered motherhood without a real plan about a lot of things. I knew that I was going to breastfeed and that's about it. I had no idea such controversies about sleeping and eating existed! I had never heard of "Babywise", "attachment parenting", and "crying-it-out". I think I just kind of figured that a lot of parenting "know-how" would come to me instinctively when I became a mother. Let me tell you, that did not happen.
I see so many young mothers now handling their infants with such expertise, such poise, such knowledge and that was NOT me. I was a nervous wreck. I knew nothing. Breastfeeding was the most painful and hardest thing in the world. I am not kidding. I cracked and bled for 6 weeks, visited a lactation consultant more than 5 times and did not really heal for 3 months. I still bear the scars. I was also an emotional basket case. Okay . . . Enough about my inadequacies . . . :). Onto co-sleeping.
So, the first night home from the hospital, our newborn Anna made all these strange noises that freaked me out--squeaks, grunts, and weird breathing sounds. She was in a bassinet next to our bed and I could not sleep. Every noise led me to believe that she was on the verge of waking up. I finally pulled her into bed with me and held her close, feeling more secure in the knowledge that when she woke up I would know it. I nursed her laying down and was able to rest at the same time.
I enjoyed the security of having her close to me. It was the best bonding experience and it felt so good to have her little body snuggled next to mine. Anna slept with me for 8 weeks until she was moved to a bassinet next to our bed and then eventually her own crib. We repeated the same pattern with each of our children. It is not that I planned to move them at 8 weeks, it was just the time when they started becoming more wiggly and slept better on their own. I would love to co-sleep longer. We'll see how long Semaiah lasts. I am living proof that it is a myth that if you have your baby sleep with you they will not ever leave your bed. I have successfully transferred 5 babies to their cribs.
One huge benefit of co-sleeping is that I am not sleep-deprived. I simply latch the baby on when I feel her stir and drift back to sleep, never really fully waking up. For me, this is key to survival during the first few months of intense night feedings!
Here are some things I have learned about co-sleeping you may not know. I cannot validate these claims by citing exactly where this information is found. I just remember either reading or hearing these facts and they stuck with me.
First, America has one of the highest rate of SIDS in the world and we also have the lowest rate of co-sleeping. In countries that almost universally co-sleep, SIDS is unheard of. In fact, other countries think we are crazy for putting our newborns in a crib in a separate room. I remember this information from the report my classmate in grad school gave. I also learned that every documented case of a death resulting from co-sleeping, due to rolling on top of the baby, was from a father, not a mother, unless drugs or alcohol were involved. A mother is aware of her baby even in sleep. I read somewhere else that a mother and her co-sleeping infant's circadian rhythms synchronize so that when a baby enters a light phase of sleep, so does her mother so that the baby never fully awakens and cries to be fed, nor does a mother fully awaken. Instead, she simply latches her baby on in this light phase of sleep and then both peacefully drift back to dreamland. Another tidbit of information I read is that a lactating, co-sleeping mother does not ever enter the fourth stage of sleep, or deep sleep, but travels through stages 1-3, then REM. My guess is that this insures that she does not sleep so deeply that she could roll on her baby.
One interesting story about co-sleeping involves Katria. Cameron and I believe that co-sleeping saved her life. When she was 4 days old, we came home from the hospital and she slept with us. Cameron was nervous because she was so tiny, but I could not part with her. The next night found us in the PICU with her on a respirator. She had stopped breathing. We learned that it is not lack of oxygen that causes a baby to take a breath, but a build-up of carbon dioxide. Thus, as Katria slept next to me that first night, I breathed into her face all night--carbon dioxide--reminding her frail body to breath. Had she slept on her own, she may have stopped breathing that first night while we slept unknowingly. This theory could explain why SIDS is so rare in co-sleeping countries.
Co-sleeping is not for everyone. Some mothers cannot sleep with the noise of their newborns. Others are too nervous that they will harm the baby. For me, I am more nervous about not having my baby close to me. I fear that the risk of something happening is far greater when my baby is not with me. All of the choices we make regarding our babies are so personal: scheduling vs. nursing on demand, co-sleeping, crying-it-out, breastfeeding, etc. Only we can make those choices. You can find research to back up whatever you believe and research against the opposite view. The problem is when we allow others to make us feel guilty for our choices. Is there a "right" way? Maybe. We all believe that our way is the right way and would never choose to harm our babies. In addition, each baby is so different. I just wanted to share why we co-sleep and some interesting things I have learned along the way! :)
In Christ, Laura
I see so many young mothers now handling their infants with such expertise, such poise, such knowledge and that was NOT me. I was a nervous wreck. I knew nothing. Breastfeeding was the most painful and hardest thing in the world. I am not kidding. I cracked and bled for 6 weeks, visited a lactation consultant more than 5 times and did not really heal for 3 months. I still bear the scars. I was also an emotional basket case. Okay . . . Enough about my inadequacies . . . :). Onto co-sleeping.
So, the first night home from the hospital, our newborn Anna made all these strange noises that freaked me out--squeaks, grunts, and weird breathing sounds. She was in a bassinet next to our bed and I could not sleep. Every noise led me to believe that she was on the verge of waking up. I finally pulled her into bed with me and held her close, feeling more secure in the knowledge that when she woke up I would know it. I nursed her laying down and was able to rest at the same time.
I enjoyed the security of having her close to me. It was the best bonding experience and it felt so good to have her little body snuggled next to mine. Anna slept with me for 8 weeks until she was moved to a bassinet next to our bed and then eventually her own crib. We repeated the same pattern with each of our children. It is not that I planned to move them at 8 weeks, it was just the time when they started becoming more wiggly and slept better on their own. I would love to co-sleep longer. We'll see how long Semaiah lasts. I am living proof that it is a myth that if you have your baby sleep with you they will not ever leave your bed. I have successfully transferred 5 babies to their cribs.
One huge benefit of co-sleeping is that I am not sleep-deprived. I simply latch the baby on when I feel her stir and drift back to sleep, never really fully waking up. For me, this is key to survival during the first few months of intense night feedings!
Here are some things I have learned about co-sleeping you may not know. I cannot validate these claims by citing exactly where this information is found. I just remember either reading or hearing these facts and they stuck with me.
First, America has one of the highest rate of SIDS in the world and we also have the lowest rate of co-sleeping. In countries that almost universally co-sleep, SIDS is unheard of. In fact, other countries think we are crazy for putting our newborns in a crib in a separate room. I remember this information from the report my classmate in grad school gave. I also learned that every documented case of a death resulting from co-sleeping, due to rolling on top of the baby, was from a father, not a mother, unless drugs or alcohol were involved. A mother is aware of her baby even in sleep. I read somewhere else that a mother and her co-sleeping infant's circadian rhythms synchronize so that when a baby enters a light phase of sleep, so does her mother so that the baby never fully awakens and cries to be fed, nor does a mother fully awaken. Instead, she simply latches her baby on in this light phase of sleep and then both peacefully drift back to dreamland. Another tidbit of information I read is that a lactating, co-sleeping mother does not ever enter the fourth stage of sleep, or deep sleep, but travels through stages 1-3, then REM. My guess is that this insures that she does not sleep so deeply that she could roll on her baby.
One interesting story about co-sleeping involves Katria. Cameron and I believe that co-sleeping saved her life. When she was 4 days old, we came home from the hospital and she slept with us. Cameron was nervous because she was so tiny, but I could not part with her. The next night found us in the PICU with her on a respirator. She had stopped breathing. We learned that it is not lack of oxygen that causes a baby to take a breath, but a build-up of carbon dioxide. Thus, as Katria slept next to me that first night, I breathed into her face all night--carbon dioxide--reminding her frail body to breath. Had she slept on her own, she may have stopped breathing that first night while we slept unknowingly. This theory could explain why SIDS is so rare in co-sleeping countries.
Co-sleeping is not for everyone. Some mothers cannot sleep with the noise of their newborns. Others are too nervous that they will harm the baby. For me, I am more nervous about not having my baby close to me. I fear that the risk of something happening is far greater when my baby is not with me. All of the choices we make regarding our babies are so personal: scheduling vs. nursing on demand, co-sleeping, crying-it-out, breastfeeding, etc. Only we can make those choices. You can find research to back up whatever you believe and research against the opposite view. The problem is when we allow others to make us feel guilty for our choices. Is there a "right" way? Maybe. We all believe that our way is the right way and would never choose to harm our babies. In addition, each baby is so different. I just wanted to share why we co-sleep and some interesting things I have learned along the way! :)
In Christ, Laura
Friday, July 10, 2009
Pictures from 4th of July
My friend, Savannah, and I had our babies just 3 days apart! Her daughter, Natalie Claire, was born June 17th.
Here we are, together with our precious baby girls, at a Fourth of July party:
Don't the babies look enthused? lol! Also, get a gander at the bruise on my left arm from the rhogam shot! Semaiah is 3 weeks old today and I STILL have it! Crazy.
In Christ, Laura
Here we are, together with our precious baby girls, at a Fourth of July party:
Don't the babies look enthused? lol! Also, get a gander at the bruise on my left arm from the rhogam shot! Semaiah is 3 weeks old today and I STILL have it! Crazy.
In Christ, Laura
Family News
Today was my first day solo and I survived! Cameron returned to work and my parents left today. I was really tired, but the kids stepped up and helped out a lot. Semaiah is really a great baby. She is still in the newborn "sleepy" stage so she is napping most of the time. She nurses every 3 hours and is really efficient. As of Tuesday, she was already 8lb. 7 oz.--almost a lb. above her birth weight and up 1.5 lbs. since her first check-up! My prayer is that she will be our first chubby baby!
Cameron and my dad spent this week building a chicken coop! Our baby chicks are scheduled to arrive next week! Very exciting. I cannot wait to have fresh eggs! I grew up with chickens, so this kind of feels like a return to my childhood for me--brings back lots of memories--like getting chased by our rooster who was vicious and would attack me with the sharp talons on his legs! I was terrified of him! Thankfully, we ordered more docile breeds of chickens. Those Rhode Island Reds are mean!
My mom cooked up a storm while she was here and my freezer is stocked! It was so nice to have her cooking all week and now we can look forward to enjoying more of it in the weeks to come. My favorites of hers are her stuffed cabbage and sauerkraut and kielbasa (yes, my grandparents were Polish). We are always sad to see my parents go because they live so far and visits are few. We may see them in September and again in October, but it seems like a long time to wait. I miss the days when we could hop in the car and be at their house in 30 minutes. Why does time seem to go by so fast when they are here? Now, I am looking forward to introducing Semaiah to Cameron's parents! Maybe soon? (hint hint ;) ).
In Christ, Laura
Cameron and my dad spent this week building a chicken coop! Our baby chicks are scheduled to arrive next week! Very exciting. I cannot wait to have fresh eggs! I grew up with chickens, so this kind of feels like a return to my childhood for me--brings back lots of memories--like getting chased by our rooster who was vicious and would attack me with the sharp talons on his legs! I was terrified of him! Thankfully, we ordered more docile breeds of chickens. Those Rhode Island Reds are mean!
My mom cooked up a storm while she was here and my freezer is stocked! It was so nice to have her cooking all week and now we can look forward to enjoying more of it in the weeks to come. My favorites of hers are her stuffed cabbage and sauerkraut and kielbasa (yes, my grandparents were Polish). We are always sad to see my parents go because they live so far and visits are few. We may see them in September and again in October, but it seems like a long time to wait. I miss the days when we could hop in the car and be at their house in 30 minutes. Why does time seem to go by so fast when they are here? Now, I am looking forward to introducing Semaiah to Cameron's parents! Maybe soon? (hint hint ;) ).
In Christ, Laura
Friday, July 3, 2009
"The Book Thief"
I love a book that makes me think. Some read to escape, to learn, to be entertained, to pass the time. Whatever the reason every work has the potential to change us, to take us to a place we have never seen and make us feel like we were there; to allow us to experience something we have never gone through. Even a work of fiction can deeply affect us. The written word is so powerful. The words themselves may be forgotten, names of characters may slip our minds, but the themes of the book may impact us forever. I guess that is why it is so important to choose what we fill our minds with wisely.
I just finished reading "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. This book made me think. It was not a page-turner and was almost too much for my post-partum, sleep-deprived mind to read. I wanted some "light" reading to pass the time while I nursed. This book was not suspenseful, full of adventure or intrigue. It was about suffering and loss and also endurance. The story takes place in Germany during World War II. The main character is an adolescent girl who is the "book thief". The narrator is death. Sound like light reading to you?
When I finished the book, I began to introspect about suffering and loss and about the heaviness of living when one loses a loved one, specifically a child. This led me to think about what it would be like to lose one of my own children. You can see where my hormonal, post-partum mind was leading me: Down a one-way road to crying with my poor husband trying to console me over this book and its affect on me!
I first began to think about suffering in my own life and how minimal it has been compared to what many in the human race have endured. I thought about the Jews in the concentration camps and how their lives on earth were a living hell. And then if they died without knowing Jesus as their Savior . . . What hope did they have in this life and what hope did they have in death? I thought about women who just 100 years ago, had a slew of children and it was common for at least 1-2 of them to die in infancy. I have heard people comment that that is why they had so many, because some were bound to die. How callous to not realize that every child is unique and the loss of one leaves a cut deep in a mother's heart for the rest of her life. She cannot replace a child by having another one. Even a miscarriage deeply grieves a mother's soul. Though she never smelled her baby's hair or held it tenderly to her breast to nurse, she will never forget that baby. Life is so precious. I thought about what it would be like to lose one of my own children and I gazed upon the beauty of my newborn and cried. Just 10 days old and she has stolen my heart. If I were to lose her . . .
I then thought about how blessed I am. I have 7 beautiful, healthy children. I have only come close to losing one, perilously close, and it changed my life forever. If we had not almost lost her Elyse, Haven, Semaiah, and Abigail would not be here. It was almost losing a child that caused Cameron and I to realize that children are a blessing that God can give and take away. And if He chooses to take one of "ours" (are they not His?) we are still to praise Him and call Him good. I had to come to terms with that as I watched my newborn Katria fight for her life, battling bacterial meningitis at 5 days old, so tiny, premature, and helpless.
As I was thinking these thoughts, I was suddenly overwhelmed by God's goodness to me in that He gave me this precious gift in Semaiah. So many people, while I was pregnant, would tell me that they were glad it was me and not them that had so many children. This made me so sad for them. You see, with each baby, I understand more of God's grace, His goodness to me that I do not deserve. I am more in love with each baby, more in awe at the miracle of life. It does not get old; every smile, coo, and newborn baby sigh is infinitely precious to me. So why wouldn't we joyfully accept more of these blessings from Him, letting God choose when they come instead of carefully planning the timing and making jokes when we have an "oops!" baby?
Because of the suffering. Because morning sickness and pregnancy is hard. Labor and delivery is hard. Nursing is hard, sleep deprivation, training in obedience . . . it is all hard. It is a type of suffering. It is hard on our marriage when we have to work harder than our spouse and we feel that it is an injustice. It is hard on our kids when they can't do something because the baby has to nap, or mommy doesn't feel good. It is hard on us women when we receive the comments in the grocery store, when every stranger asks "Are these all yours?" meaning "Surely you must be an idiot!". It is even more difficult when well-meaning Christians make comments . . . or don't to our faces and we speculate about what they must really think of us.
However, let us think about this suffering a moment. Compared to what others have endured, is it really suffering? Our lives are so so short. One day we will be in heaven for eternity, praising our LORD forever. If I had 10 children on earth (and endured all that "suffering") and each one receives Christ as his or her Lord and Savior, there will be 10 more eternal souls in heaven praising Him! And to think that I got to participate in that! Yes, we may not have been able to go to Disney Land, have gourmet birthday parties, or wore designer clothes, but will that matter? Will I think twice about all the hours of sleep I lost on earth nursing? Will I remember the pain of pregnancy and labor? No.
Okay, I have to be honest. After I had Haven I did not want another baby. I couldn't even imagine it. I dreaded getting pregnant again. I found out I was pregnant with Semaiah on my birthday and I cried. I worried about telling people we were pregnant AGAIN and wondering what they really thought about me. But you know, God changed my heart. It had to be Him because in my flesh, I care too much what people think about me. This is the first pregnancy that I truly enjoyed every minute of it. (okay maybe not while I was throwing up! lol). All of my other pregnancies I was ready for them to come to an end. I begged for them to come to an end. This was my longest pregnancy to date, I am older--so this is supposedly harder on my body--this was #6, yet I didn't want for it to end. I came home from the hospital and saw my maternity bathing suit hanging in the bathroom, left to dry the day I went into labor, and I started to cry. To not feel the baby move inside me anymore, to not look forward with delighted anticipation to her arrival made me feel a little empty. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather have her in my arms, but I grieved the loss of that special time. God did that. I went from saying, "I never want to do that again," to "If we have another one," and "Next time . . ."
And let me talk about the suffering of labor--my postpartum, sleep-deprived brain is rambling! :) --It IS suffering, and some would say needless because there are now pain medications. Cameron and I were talking about this pain and he was saying that it is ordained by God as part of the curse. Now we believe that pain meds are God's grace, but I now realize that when you use them you may miss out on a blessing. Just as it may not be a sin to use birth control and limit family size, you may be missing out on a blessing. Yes, there are blessings IN suffering. As a result of the pain I endured in labor, I felt closer to God than ever before. I had to depend on Him. I depended on Him even before labor to produce joy in me to endure the last few weeks. I trusted Him to begin my labor without pitocin. I trusted Him to choose the perfect timing according to Cameron's paternity leave, my parent's visit, and Cameron's presentation. God was so good! He answered all of our prayers! I also felt closer and more dependent on Cameron. He helped me through the whole thing. There are things that we go through in marriage to cement our bond, our "oneness" and I can honestly say that this was one of those experiences! It was amazing. Cameron and I saw what God did, we marveled at it together, we shared this experience as one and it grew us. I now look at Semaiah and see what a treasure she is and I know that she is worth every second of that pain. I didn't have the same experience with my other labors. I was just so relieved to not be pregnant and to move on. These are blessings that resulted from my suffering and I wouldn't trade that pain for anything.
As Cameron and I talked about human suffering after I read "The Book Thief", he reminded me that without Christ our suffering is for naught. It is hopeless. But, with Christ, there is a purpose to our suffering. We can have hope that the trials we go through are not in vain. They are making us more like Christ, drawing us closer to Christ. There is a purpose in each trial, we need not complain. We have to trust that they are for our good, somehow.
"The Book Thief" also reminded me that I am so sinful that I don't deserve God's goodness. I deserve to suffer! I think we forget how wicked me are and how holy God is when we hear of suffering and see it as an injustice. I don't deserve the blessing of 7 healthy children. When so many mothers have lost their children to miscarriage, disease, hunger and war, why have I been so blessed? Why would I ever call a child a burden, even through my actions by telling God that I do not want His gift? I am so sinful, so depraved, yet God has chosen to bless me 7 times! A burden? Absolutely not. The suffering of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting? It is nothing. Nothing compared to the eternal rewards. I promise.
Yes, sometimes a book will make you think . . . sometimes it may even change your life.
In Christ, Laura
I just finished reading "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. This book made me think. It was not a page-turner and was almost too much for my post-partum, sleep-deprived mind to read. I wanted some "light" reading to pass the time while I nursed. This book was not suspenseful, full of adventure or intrigue. It was about suffering and loss and also endurance. The story takes place in Germany during World War II. The main character is an adolescent girl who is the "book thief". The narrator is death. Sound like light reading to you?
When I finished the book, I began to introspect about suffering and loss and about the heaviness of living when one loses a loved one, specifically a child. This led me to think about what it would be like to lose one of my own children. You can see where my hormonal, post-partum mind was leading me: Down a one-way road to crying with my poor husband trying to console me over this book and its affect on me!
I first began to think about suffering in my own life and how minimal it has been compared to what many in the human race have endured. I thought about the Jews in the concentration camps and how their lives on earth were a living hell. And then if they died without knowing Jesus as their Savior . . . What hope did they have in this life and what hope did they have in death? I thought about women who just 100 years ago, had a slew of children and it was common for at least 1-2 of them to die in infancy. I have heard people comment that that is why they had so many, because some were bound to die. How callous to not realize that every child is unique and the loss of one leaves a cut deep in a mother's heart for the rest of her life. She cannot replace a child by having another one. Even a miscarriage deeply grieves a mother's soul. Though she never smelled her baby's hair or held it tenderly to her breast to nurse, she will never forget that baby. Life is so precious. I thought about what it would be like to lose one of my own children and I gazed upon the beauty of my newborn and cried. Just 10 days old and she has stolen my heart. If I were to lose her . . .
I then thought about how blessed I am. I have 7 beautiful, healthy children. I have only come close to losing one, perilously close, and it changed my life forever. If we had not almost lost her Elyse, Haven, Semaiah, and Abigail would not be here. It was almost losing a child that caused Cameron and I to realize that children are a blessing that God can give and take away. And if He chooses to take one of "ours" (are they not His?) we are still to praise Him and call Him good. I had to come to terms with that as I watched my newborn Katria fight for her life, battling bacterial meningitis at 5 days old, so tiny, premature, and helpless.
As I was thinking these thoughts, I was suddenly overwhelmed by God's goodness to me in that He gave me this precious gift in Semaiah. So many people, while I was pregnant, would tell me that they were glad it was me and not them that had so many children. This made me so sad for them. You see, with each baby, I understand more of God's grace, His goodness to me that I do not deserve. I am more in love with each baby, more in awe at the miracle of life. It does not get old; every smile, coo, and newborn baby sigh is infinitely precious to me. So why wouldn't we joyfully accept more of these blessings from Him, letting God choose when they come instead of carefully planning the timing and making jokes when we have an "oops!" baby?
Because of the suffering. Because morning sickness and pregnancy is hard. Labor and delivery is hard. Nursing is hard, sleep deprivation, training in obedience . . . it is all hard. It is a type of suffering. It is hard on our marriage when we have to work harder than our spouse and we feel that it is an injustice. It is hard on our kids when they can't do something because the baby has to nap, or mommy doesn't feel good. It is hard on us women when we receive the comments in the grocery store, when every stranger asks "Are these all yours?" meaning "Surely you must be an idiot!". It is even more difficult when well-meaning Christians make comments . . . or don't to our faces and we speculate about what they must really think of us.
However, let us think about this suffering a moment. Compared to what others have endured, is it really suffering? Our lives are so so short. One day we will be in heaven for eternity, praising our LORD forever. If I had 10 children on earth (and endured all that "suffering") and each one receives Christ as his or her Lord and Savior, there will be 10 more eternal souls in heaven praising Him! And to think that I got to participate in that! Yes, we may not have been able to go to Disney Land, have gourmet birthday parties, or wore designer clothes, but will that matter? Will I think twice about all the hours of sleep I lost on earth nursing? Will I remember the pain of pregnancy and labor? No.
Okay, I have to be honest. After I had Haven I did not want another baby. I couldn't even imagine it. I dreaded getting pregnant again. I found out I was pregnant with Semaiah on my birthday and I cried. I worried about telling people we were pregnant AGAIN and wondering what they really thought about me. But you know, God changed my heart. It had to be Him because in my flesh, I care too much what people think about me. This is the first pregnancy that I truly enjoyed every minute of it. (okay maybe not while I was throwing up! lol). All of my other pregnancies I was ready for them to come to an end. I begged for them to come to an end. This was my longest pregnancy to date, I am older--so this is supposedly harder on my body--this was #6, yet I didn't want for it to end. I came home from the hospital and saw my maternity bathing suit hanging in the bathroom, left to dry the day I went into labor, and I started to cry. To not feel the baby move inside me anymore, to not look forward with delighted anticipation to her arrival made me feel a little empty. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather have her in my arms, but I grieved the loss of that special time. God did that. I went from saying, "I never want to do that again," to "If we have another one," and "Next time . . ."
And let me talk about the suffering of labor--my postpartum, sleep-deprived brain is rambling! :) --It IS suffering, and some would say needless because there are now pain medications. Cameron and I were talking about this pain and he was saying that it is ordained by God as part of the curse. Now we believe that pain meds are God's grace, but I now realize that when you use them you may miss out on a blessing. Just as it may not be a sin to use birth control and limit family size, you may be missing out on a blessing. Yes, there are blessings IN suffering. As a result of the pain I endured in labor, I felt closer to God than ever before. I had to depend on Him. I depended on Him even before labor to produce joy in me to endure the last few weeks. I trusted Him to begin my labor without pitocin. I trusted Him to choose the perfect timing according to Cameron's paternity leave, my parent's visit, and Cameron's presentation. God was so good! He answered all of our prayers! I also felt closer and more dependent on Cameron. He helped me through the whole thing. There are things that we go through in marriage to cement our bond, our "oneness" and I can honestly say that this was one of those experiences! It was amazing. Cameron and I saw what God did, we marveled at it together, we shared this experience as one and it grew us. I now look at Semaiah and see what a treasure she is and I know that she is worth every second of that pain. I didn't have the same experience with my other labors. I was just so relieved to not be pregnant and to move on. These are blessings that resulted from my suffering and I wouldn't trade that pain for anything.
As Cameron and I talked about human suffering after I read "The Book Thief", he reminded me that without Christ our suffering is for naught. It is hopeless. But, with Christ, there is a purpose to our suffering. We can have hope that the trials we go through are not in vain. They are making us more like Christ, drawing us closer to Christ. There is a purpose in each trial, we need not complain. We have to trust that they are for our good, somehow.
"The Book Thief" also reminded me that I am so sinful that I don't deserve God's goodness. I deserve to suffer! I think we forget how wicked me are and how holy God is when we hear of suffering and see it as an injustice. I don't deserve the blessing of 7 healthy children. When so many mothers have lost their children to miscarriage, disease, hunger and war, why have I been so blessed? Why would I ever call a child a burden, even through my actions by telling God that I do not want His gift? I am so sinful, so depraved, yet God has chosen to bless me 7 times! A burden? Absolutely not. The suffering of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting? It is nothing. Nothing compared to the eternal rewards. I promise.
Yes, sometimes a book will make you think . . . sometimes it may even change your life.
In Christ, Laura
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