Tuesday, June 30, 2009

More Pictures!!!

Recently, Melodie, a teacher who worked in Abbie's orphanage, came for a visit. She was raised in Liberia, the daughter of missionaries. Currently, she lives in Liberia, but was in the States for her brother's wedding. Her boyfriend's family lives not too far from us, so she was able to visit, and we were able to meet in person after conversing over email for the past 18 months. We had a wonderful visit and it felt like we were old friends. Melodie is a great photographer and took lots of pictures of the kids while she was here. Here is a sample of her work:

Melodie with Abbie:


Katria:


Elyse:


Jonas:





Girls dressing up:




Haven:
















Anna:












Best Buddies:

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Speaking of books...

Thankfully they are what our children most consistently turn to for entertainment. Not having a TV definitely helps. For the past couple of years they have begged every night to read (or look at) books in their beds but we have said no because with the lights on they just end up fooling around and with them off they obviously can't see the books. Well I finally fulfilled a promise I made to them months ago: to install reading lamps next to their beds.
~ Cameron




Good Book Recommedations?

I have been devouring books this past week as I spend countless hours nursing. I am on my fourth novel. Once this one is done, I need another book! I usually enjoy classics, but I am not in the mood for anything that makes me think too deep or that I have to struggle with. I am looking for quick and engrossing reads--not fluff, but not Dickens if you know what I mean.

Can any give me some good suggestions?

Thanks!

In Christ, Laura

Semaiah's Birth Story--Very Long

(I wrote this several days ago, but was interrupted by a baby who needed to nurse :).)

Haven and Semaiah are napping peacefully, the other children are playing outside in the woods, Cameron is painting our book shelves that he and his dad built, and I finally have a free moment to "blog". It has been almost a week since Semaiah was born. Cameron and I were just marveling this morning that the week leading up to her birth felt like a month, but this past week has flown by! It was already a week ago that Cameron and I headed into the hospital hoping that THIS time labor was really starting :).

Here is my birth story:

Last Wednesday night, June 18th, I started to have contractions around 9 pm. They were not too painful, but uncomfortable and every 12 minutes. Around midnight, I still couldn't sleep and got up to eat something. After 30 minutes or so, I decided to get some sleep, knowing that if it was "real" labor, things would pick up. I slept fitfully that night. I awoke and got up around 6 am to have my quiet time. I read Psalm 70 and was struck by the sixth verse which says "From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you." I knew that God was telling me that He was in control of the timing of this baby's arrival and that I did not need to worry. At the same time, my contractions picked back up and were about 8 minutes apart. Cameron decided that he did not want to go into work and leave me at home with potentially no way to get to the hospital if I went into active labor. We live about 30 minutes from the hospital. So, we decided that I would go into work with Cameron and walk around until he finished at noon. If things progressed, great, we were already at the hospital, if they didn't, we would just come home.

I spent the morning walking while Cameron worked. However, my contractions began to spread out and lessen in intensity. By the time we made it to my ob appointment at 1:45 that I had already previously scheduled, it was clear I was not in labor. The midwife checked and I was 3-4 cm dilated. She told me to get some sleep because if labor did begin soon, it was not good to go into it sleep deprived.

I took a benadryl that night and slept peacefully until about 3. After that, I slept fitfully until 6 am. Friday morning: I began to have more intense, painful contractions, about 5 minutes apart. Cameron and I began to prepare to go back to the hospital, but within 2 hours the contractions stopped. We decided to have a "normal" day. We swam in the pool with the kids and had fun NOT thinking about this baby coming! lol. I made a big dinner of spaghetti bake and doubled it in case I did go into labor--then there would be enough for the children's dinner the next day. While I made dinner, I started to contract AGAIN. I ignored it this time and didn't even say anything. We had a friend to dinner that night. During dinner, my contractions became even more intense. By the time we had cleaned up from dinner, the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and I was breathing through them. We got ready to go back to the hospital. We put the kids to bed and left our friend in charge until a babysitter could get to our house who was prepared to spend the night.

When we got to the hospital--around 9-ish, my contractions were back to 8-10 minutes apart. We were discouraged, but determined to see if I had progressed. An examination showed that I was still only 4 cm dilated. The doctor recommended breaking my water to get things started since I was already contracting, 80% effaced, and 2 days from my due date. I declined because if they did break my water and labor didn't progress, I would be stuck with pitocin. So . . . we walked and my contractions picked back up. They were regular and painful, but not enough. It is funny, at one point we were walking through the hospital and a man was pushing his very pregnant wife through the hallway at top speed and she was groaning and panting and holding her belly, clearly in labor. Here I was, sauntering through the hospital with my contractions 8 minutes apart, thinking I was in labor! (Little did I know that I was, but it was such a stark contrast!)

After an hour and a half of walking, we went back to labor and delivery to be checked again. No progress. We were so discouraged and confused about what to do. I wanted to go home and sleep. Cameron didn't think it was wise to be so far from the hospital because clearly I was on the cusp of going into labor. I again declined having my water broken and we prepared to leave. First, Cameron prayed that God would make it clear what we were supposed to do. I really didn't want to keep contracting for days, losing sleep, losing strength for when "real" labor kicked in. Well, I went into the bathroom and had a contraction that took my breath away. It was very painful. I went back out and told Cameron that we could not leave, clearly I was in labor and most likely if they broke my water I would not need pitocin. I just had a peace that this was God's timing. (just so you know, my water broke with Haven on its own and labor did not start and I needed pitocin. I also needed it with Elyse and Katria. It is VERY different than a natural labor, which I had with Jonas and Anna. The pain I felt at 10 cm with them was what I felt with the 3 others at 4 cm). So, Cameron went to tell the doctor, residents, and nurses that we were staying and I heard everyone cheer down the hall! (He works with all of them and they were excited). Soon afterward, they had an emergency c-section and could not return to put us in a room for 2 hours. During that time, my contractions picked up--in intensity--but were still 8 minutes apart. By the time we got to a room, I told the doctor that I knew I was in labor and did not want my water broken. I really wanted to see if I would progress on my own since the contractions were becoming more intense. I also had told her that I would only stay if I could eat ;). (That's what I did in triage while we waited for them to come get us!--ate a big turkey sandwich. I also had an apple and some chocolate covered pretzels later).

My nurse was incredible--she had given birth at the birthing center and was all for me doing this natural, whatever I wanted, and not offering me any medication. She also encouraged me not to have my water broken. She even humored all my whims--for example, I wouldn't even get into a gown--in my pictures after having Semaiah, I am in a gown, but that is because right when I was ready to push, I made them put a gown on me over my shirt. As soon as I had her I took it off. I don't know why I even bothered. I think I thought that it would give me some modesty during pushing, but really . . . who cares, right? It was actually liberating NOT to wear that gown and feel like a patient.

I continued to contract and at 3:30 the doctor checked and I was 5 cm, 100% effaced. I was encouraged. I was making progress on my own. But, I was SO tired and hit a wall and begged Cameron for an epidural just so I could sleep, not because the labor was that bad. I think someone commented on this blog that many women hit a wall at 5 cm and ask for drugs and if you can make it past that you will go into "auto-pilot" and just labor. Well, I hit that wall. Cameron talked me out of it and I continued.
And I DID go into a mindset in which it did not even occur to me to ask for meds. Once I made it over that initial "hurdle" God gave me the strength to persevere!

My contractions were STILL 8-10 minutes apart! Throughout the entire labor it remained like that, until the very end. It was funny because I didn't want to lay in bed and be monitored, so the nurse would take a hand-held doppler and listen to the baby's heartbeat during contractions--at least every 30 minutes. Well, my contractions were so far apart that she would come in to monitor me and I would tell her that we had to wait for 7 minutes for the next contraction! They were really painful though and I would beat my head against this metal door frame and it really helped me cope with the pain--that and groaning. Cameron kept telling me I was going to have this big bruise on my forehead! I didn't end up with a bruise, but I was sore the next day! I didn't want to get into the tub or sit on the birthing ball. In fact, I couldn't sit at all. All of the intensity of the contractions was not in my belly, but in my bottom and I just could not sit. I stood for almost the entire labor! Sometimes, I would pace between contractions and when I felt one coming on, I would rush to my doorframe for comfort and some head-banging! LOL

At 6:30, the doctor checked me again and I was 7 cm. This encouraged me again and renewed my resolve to keep going. I also knew it would be fast and I started to pray that I would have her by 8:30 am. Around 7-7:30 was shift change and a new nurse (another GREAT nurse) and a midwife came in. Things were getting more intense and I was on my knees with my arms and chest on a swivel stool. They tried to get me to lean on a birthing ball, but I was thinking, "That thing is just going to roll away!". At 7:45-7:50, I asked to be checked, I just needed to find out how close I was to being done. My contractions were about 3-5 minutes apart during this time and I was showing signs of being in transition. I kept thinking I was going to throw up and I was beginning to shake. The midwife checked and I was 9 cm--almost there! I asked for my water to be broken at that point. She agreed and when she checked me a few minutes later to break my water I was 10 cm! She broke my water and we waited for a contraction. The next contraction I started to push (and scream). This was the WORST part for me, so so painful. I remember praying out loud and yelling and Semaiah was born at 7:55, 3 minutes after they broke my water and about 2 minutes (maybe less?) after I started pushing. Cameron delivered Semaiah. After I had her, I was in shock. I was still in pain and couldn't hold her right away and I really couldn't even talk. It took me a good 10 minutes or so to pull myself together. I actually had them give me some meds (Motrin and percocet) to help me cope with the pain in my bottom before I could even hold her. Remember, I think I broke my tail bone with Haven? Well, now I am pretty sure I didn't, I just think some ligaments in that area were torn or strained. Same pain as before that I never had with my other deliveries. However, I did not even tear! What a blessing. I was full of adrenaline after I had her, just talking and talking and processing with the nurse and midwife. Semaiah nursed right away and I was just in awe that I could already hear her gulping!

Would I do it again natural? Probably. I never even got an IV this time and I noticed that I was not full of fluid. I was not swollen in my legs and was not stiff from laying in bed for hours. I could walk right away. My back was also not sore from the epidural. I felt really good physically. I also was not light-headed and did not almost pass out like I almost did with my other deliveries due to lack of food. I ate during my labor and that really helped to keep my strength up. I was also so proud of myself and just in awe of what God did. He gave me strength, as I had prayed during my entire pregnancy. I felt His presence in labor like I have not experienced with my epidural babies. I called out to Him again and again. Cameron was also very involved this time. Instead of me laying in bed waiting to have the baby and Cameron relaxing, waiting to have the baby, he was right there laboring with me. It was such a bonding experience.

I do have to say that I felt more tired after this delivery, but I don't think that it had anything to do with doing it naturally. I think it was the lack of sleep the 2 nights prior to labor and to laboring through the night. I have been SO tired because after that lack of sleep, I had to jump right in to nursing round-the-clock.

It still amazes me that I was in labor when my contractions were 8-10 minutes apart almost the ENTIRE time. Not until 6:30 in the morning did they pick up and I had her an hour and a half later! I could not have asked for a better labor and delivery experience. I really feel like I had a say in what went on. The doctor, midwife, and nurses let me do things the way I wanted. They never ONCE asked if I wanted meds, my water broken (after I got into a room), if I could get in bed to be monitored, to put a gown on, etc. I had a "birthing center experience" in the hospital. It can be done! Cameron said next time (if there is a next time ;) ) I could give birth in the birthing center. Well . . . the only reason I wouldn't is that you go home 4 hours after you have your baby. No thank you! I enjoy the 2 day "vacation" in the hospital, recovering, getting to know my baby. I know that I would not enjoy going home 4 hours after I gave birth. Who knows? Maybe that will change . . . I never thought I would give birth naturally and I did!

Thank you for all of your prayers, your encouragement, and kind comments here on my blog. I know that everyone who posted their natural experience is directly responsible for me being able to do it! Thank you SO much!

Alright . . . this is long enough and my baby is waking to nurse.

In Christ, Laura

Saturday, June 27, 2009

More pictures














Didn't have any new pictures of Haven "holding" Semaiah but this one captures well the interest she has taken in Semaiah's things rather than Semaiah herself. Here she is after trying to put on one of Semaiah's new outfits. She was unsuccessful of course and so decided just to bite the shirt. Considering that Laura spends most of her time nursing in our bedroom she has developed quite a collection of items on our bedside table. Haven has taken great interest in these things as well. Already she has managed to run off with several of Laura's beverages and eat a handful of Colace (stool softener) pills (no worries - after tasting them she spit most of them out and with horrified look on her face kept pointing to her mouth and exclaiming "mouth, mouth".) Just today we caught her eating from a box of choclates that were given to Laura. I have scolded her enough about getting into these things that when she is and she sees me enter the room she throws down whatever it was she grabbed and runs for the door with a big grin on her face. I can't help but crack up! The other kids still ask often to hold Semaiah although the initial excitement of her arrival has worn off to the extent that they are back to their usual adventures. They recently undertook an archeological dig in the woods of our backyard and created a "Hidden Treasures: Life and Science Museum" (their exact title) to display their finds. It is complete with a trail leading to it with signs posted along the way, shelves loaded with various items (rocks, pieces of glass, old bahtroom tiles, pennies, nuts, etc..) and a "digging hole" for the children of museum patrons. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me. The remainder of the day they are swimming in our pool (nothing fancy, see below). It's hard to believe it has already been a week since Semaiah was born. It has been a great week. Thank you for your prayers (and meals).

Cameron

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Pictures of our blessed weekend! (by Cameron)

Couldn't have asked for a better Father's Day or for a better weekend. Sometimes you just move along in life each day, struggling, fighting sin and often wondering how God could ever love you and then.....BAM! He just pours out His love, loads of it. It all started with an incredible labor and safe delivery of Semaiah. As I stated before everything happended as we had prayed it would. Then last night at the graduation banquet for the outgoing residents in our department I received a teaching award from the residents. One of them informed me that the vote for the recipient was unanimous. I was shocked and overwhelmed (and continue to be). Lastly, today was awesome. You would think that taking six kids up to the hospital to see their mom and new baby sister would turn out to be a disaster. It was the furthest from that! The kids were so well behaved. It was a joy to see them excited to meet Semaiah. God is good, abundantly good.....ALL THE TIME!

Before: looking good for #6!

During

After: tears of joy














Saturday, June 20, 2009

She's Here!

Laura did it! No epidural, no pitocin! I am so proud of her.
Semaiah Danielle Mouro (Pronounced Suh-MY-ah, which means OBEYING THE LORD in Hebrew and Danielle means God is my judge and is also after Laura's father, whose name is Daniel.) was born this morning at 7:55am. She is 7lbs. 9oz (our second biggest) and has a head full of dark hair. She is already nursing like a champ. Laura is doing well also. She was definitely a champ herself. But, all praise goes to the Lord. The whole labor process went EXACTLY as we prayed it would. To Him be the glory!
I've taken lots of pictures but will not be able to post them until tomorrow. Thank you to all of you for your prayers and support.
Cameron

At the Hospital!

Hey everyone! Laura is in labor! Progress has been a bit on the slow side but still progress and she is doing it on her own - no Pitocin! The "break" between contractions is long but a blessing. We've been going through the night so sleep has been as absent as the Pitocin. Please keep us in your prayers.
Cameron

Friday, June 19, 2009

Progress?

I took some benadryl and was able to sleep some last night. The minute I woke up this morning (5:45 am) contractions started 5 minutes apart, pretty strong and painful. After more than an hour of these, Cameron and I made childcare arrangements. After another hour, they stopped! Well, not completely, but they are spaced out again--10-20 minutes. However, the ones I am having are very painful, just not close together at all. I am 5 cm now and still not in active labor! Craziness. I have a feeling when things start they are going to go very quickly since I am already halfway there. If I went into the hospital now, they could break my water to get things started more intensely, but if that didn't work, once my water is broken, I could end up needing pitocin which I DON'T WANT! So . . . I am resting and waiting, trusting in God's sovereign plan and perfect timing.

Shouldn't be too much longer!

I will keep you posted!

In Christ, Laura

Thursday, June 18, 2009

A Long Night, A Long Day!

Last night, I started to have regular contractions, strong enough to keep me awake most of the night. This morning, however, it was not clear whether I was in labor--the contractions were still strong, but not strong enough. In addition, they never got closer than 8 minutes apart. Cameron had a half day at work and he did not want me to go into full-blown active labor and have to worry about rushing to the hospital--we live over 30 minutes away--and we did not think that I was at the point that he needed to stay home. So, friends came to watch the kids and I went to work with Cameron and walked and walked and walked while he performed his duties. I was 4 cm dilated at this point, contracting every 8-12 minutes. After lunch and a visit to my ob, it was determined that I am STILL 4 cm and things are not really picking up. So, I am home, resting and waiting . . . waiting for "active" labor to kick in. Could be tonight . . . could be next week. I am scheduled to be induced on the 27th. I am pretty sure I will have had this baby before then since things are already starting. Pray that things happen soon!

In Christ, Laura

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Yes, I'm Still Here . . .

Just wanted to let you all know. :)

In Christ, Laura

Abbie and the New Baby

As each day this week might be "the" day that the baby will be born, Abbie has been acting out again, more so than the previous few weeks. Yesterday was just plain awful. After a day of battling her, it finally occurred to me what was going on. Yes, we realize that she is anxious about all the "unknowns" involved in the baby's arrival. However, there was one specific behavior she was repeating that made no sense to us. It did not matter how we disciplined her or what we said, she continued in this one defiant act: not getting out of bed in the morning. She used to do this almost every day and I thought we had "conquered" that behavior. So, when she started again this week, we wondered what was going on! In addition, once she started a day off wrong this week, she continued all day. This is also something she has not done for awhile. Lately, once we attack one behavior it is done and she goes on to have a successful day. Not this week. She would get out of bed, use the bathroom and go back to bed and lay there. The rule in our house is you get out of bed, use the bathroom and come up to have your quiet time and start your chore before breakfast. Not Abbie. Not this week. However, she let us KNOW she was awake and not coming up by fake sneezing, kicking the wall, singing loudly as she washed her hands, and talking loudly to wake up her sisters. (we try to let Katria and Elyse sleep longer since they are still young, don't take naps, and don't necessarily have the same school schedule).

Cameron and I were really frustrated. Finally everything "clicked" and I had one of those "duh" moments. I feel like it was a smack in the face as we realized it too late, not in the moment, but after an entire day of one issue after another. Abbie knows that the baby could come ANY DAY--it is even MORE of a possibility than a few weeks ago. She knows when my due date it--she is really clued in to dates, days of the week, and schedules. She also knows that there is the possibility that I could have this baby in the middle of the night and that when she wakes up there will be someone else sitting at the table--and that someone could be any number of possibilities--whoever is available to watch the kids. So, why is she not getting out of bed in the morning, but waiting until Anna wakes up to come upstairs? Fear. She is afraid, she has never been through this before. She does not know what to expect . . . or who to expect. Her fear has driven her behavior so strongly that it is WORTH IT to her to risk discipline than come up and confront someone she may not feel comfortable with. Did I mention she is always the first one up?

I sat her down and started to ask her, "I am wondering something . . . " I always have to be careful not to GIVE her the excuse to cling to for her behavior. Well, tears welled up in her eyes and her hands began to twist and work, rubbing together furiously. I hit the nail on the head. As soon as we addressed this fear her behavior changed INSTANTLY. Her whole countenance changed. She was a new girl.

This morning, she got out of bed right away and had a good day! Maybe she heard that it was me upstairs? She had a good day . . . until this afternoon when she decided to have an "accident" on purpose right in front of me, pretend a door was locked and she "couldn't" open it, and gave me the wrong number of hangers than I asked for. She also decided to talk wrong--her most infamous "tic" right now--and pretended she didn't know how to ask for her snack.

I sat her down again and we had another LONG talk. Tears instantly flowed . . . real tears, not the "I-am-blinking-to-produce-fake-tears" act, but genuine tears and I held her and rocked her. What came from that conversation? Well, I again tried to be careful not to "plant" anything in her mind, but she told me she wanted to be in my belly right now, not the baby. She loves the baby and is excited, but she is also kind of mad at the baby for being "my baby". She is also mad because she sees that I am having a baby that I am "keeping", but she was not kept by the person in whose belly she grew.

It has been a difficult week, but God has made it clear that THESE are some of the reasons I have not had the baby yet. He wants us to go through this, to have these "realizations", as well as to trust Him for His perfect timing.

Please pray this baby comes soon! We would really really like her to come before Saturday because that is when Cameron starts his paternity leave and would give us 2 weeks before my parents come for a visit. Also, Cameron has a presentation on Saturday and we have a babysitter coming . . . unless I am in labor. Then he will not be able to go. It is kind of a personal, meaningful presentation for someone who is graduating so it means a lot to us that he goes. If I am in the hospital and have had the baby--great! If I have had the baby and am home--great, we have a sitter who will come help! If I haven't had the baby, I can go with him. So . . . anytime before Saturday or after Saturday, but before is preferable so that we can maximize his paternity leave. Also, please pray for all of our children as we transition with the birth of this baby, but specifically for Abbie. All of our bio. children have been through this . . . some many times. All this is new and scary for Abbie in ways that we can never understand as she processes her own origins, her birth mom, and grieves that she is not with her "tummy mommy" and that I am not her "tummy mommy".

In Christ, Laura

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

To Medicate or Not to Medicate

So . . . I didn't want to start a new post because I am having such fun reading everyone's comments on the last post . . . so don't stop . . .

. . . but I would love to hear your labor "pain management" tips--from those of you who have gone sans-medication.

What worked for you to get through the pain? I know there is a point at which every woman wants to cave (and on pitocin the pain is so much more unbearable so much earlier--believe me, I had 2 without pit and 3 with and the pain I felt at 9-10 cm without pitocin is what I felt WITH pitocin at 3-4 cm!) but what got you PAST that point? Determination? Sheer will power? Someone taping your mouth shut so you couldn't beg for drugs?

And . . . was it worth it?

Please share your unmedicated experiences with me! Motivate me! Convince me! I need some encouragement, inspiration and role models.

In Christ, Laura

Monday, June 15, 2009

What Put YOU into Labor?

I LOVE hearing other's birth stories. Each one is so different, so unique and so exciting! I have YET to hear of a woman give the details of her labor and delivery in a "ho-hum" kind of way. No birth story is mundane!

As I sit here, 39 weeks, less than 2 hours away from my LONGEST pregnancy YET, I am wondering WHAT could put me into labor (naturally). :)

So . . . what worked for you? Yes, my husband is an ob/gyn physician, but HE says what puts women into labor is "God and pitocin".

I would LOVE to hear what put you into labor! A long walk? Mexican food? Jumping jacks (lol)?

I kind of feel like life is on "pause" right now and we are all kind of waiting, waiting, waiting. My freezer is stocked, I am caught up on laundry, my house is SO CLEAN, so she better come before everything falls apart! AND, I totally lied, we are NOT doing school right now. I am reading to the kids from "Detectives in Togas", but that is it. We are cleaning house (because mommy is in perpetual "nesting" mode) running errands, making appointments, etc. all before this baby comes. I can't even start a book right now! So, I am playing sudoku online lately. Very addictive, don't start . . .

Please share with me what worked for you! :)

In Christ, Laura

Sunday, June 14, 2009

No Baby Yet.

No, I haven't had the baby yet. Lots of "signs" of impending labor . . . but nothing.

If I make it past tomorrow, this will officially be my longest pregnancy. I had both Jonas and Haven at 39 weeks and 1 day. Our family has taken guesses as to when this little girl will arrive, what time of day, and how much she will weigh. My guess for her arrival isn't until June 24th!

Go ahead and leave your guess in the comments . . . :)

We will let you know as soon as she is here!

In Christ, Laura

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Still Here!

No baby yet. After an evening of contractions, things slowed down and then stopped. Thankfully, I was able to get some sleep! Shouldn't be too long . . .

In Christ, Laura

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Could This Be It?

So . . . I have been having regular contractions since 4:30 this afternoon. I was determined to go to Jonas' game, though. They lost by one point! Jonas hit a home run and brought a teammate in--if there had been one more player on a base we would have tied!

I thought things were going to slow down once I got home and laid down, but they are picking up . . . I am uncomfortable and getting more so . . .

It could be soon . . . or it could be tomorrow . . . or next week . . . or who knows??

I will keep you posted!

In Christ, Laura

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Not Much is New

Same old, same old. We are living daily life, waiting for our new little one to make her debut. Not much has changed. Abbie continues to test us and we continue to show her that we are in control and that we love her. Actually, she has gotten MUCH better. We have had some very tender moments with her in which she is showing us genuine affection and love. She has also started to tell me that I am a good mommy. This came after some pretty intense heart-to-heart talks about her "black ma", why she was given up for adoption and the difference between a "tummy mommy" and a "forever mommy". As we were talking (or as I was talking, she was listening) I told her that I thought maybe she was upset because she saw a baby growing inside me and she knew all the rest of the kids grew inside me, too, but that she didn't. She instantly blurted out, "I want to grow inside your tummy, too!". It nearly broke my heart as she threw herself into my arms. What must it feel like for her to be the ONLY adopted child and the ONLY black child? Maybe someday we will adopt again . . .

Other family news: Jonas' baseball team won both of their playoff games and his championship game is tonight! Very exciting. I kept telling myself that I just had to make it to the end of baseball season . . . so tomorrow I can go into labor! LOL. Maybe I will make it to my due date this time? Pray for me . . . With Haven, I am pretty sure I broke my tail bone and I am just a tad fearful of similar pain. However, as long as I don't need to be induced this time, I will be happy! After a QUICK labor with Anna, and an easy and almost pain-free, until the very end, labor with Jonas, I have had to be induced the last 3 times. With Katria--for an infection in my amniotic fluid at 35 weeks, with Elyse for low amniotic fluid, and with Haven because my water broke and labor did not start.

I am still homeschooling up until the baby is born, then we will take a break, although we have slowed down considerably because I am just so tired! We are reading "Detectives in Togas" and the older kids love it! The suspense is killing them and they insist at the end of every chapter that I read "just ONE more!" (They know my weakness--that if they play with my hair I keep reading and reading and reading . . . ). Our garden is growing, our rabbit had babies (from her last litter that we got rid of "too late"--who knew rabbits could have babies from their babies???), and my house is "ready" for this baby to come. Now all we do is sit back and wait . . .

In Christ, Laura

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Still Here . . .

I am still pregnant, still hanging in there. I actually still feel pretty good despite feeling huge. I think this is the first baby that I was not anxious to get it all over with and have the baby. There is just so much to do!

Things with Abbie are improving. It is always just staying a few steps ahead of her and not giving her a reaction. Earlier this week, I had her practice writing her name. Just so you know, she can do this, no problem. Well, she wrote it with totally wrong letters, then she wrote it backwards (that takes skill, huh?), then when I showed her where I wanted her to write it she chose the opposite side of the page, all while I sat watching her. Later on, I asked why she would want to do this. I didn't ask in a confrontational way or in the heat of the moment, but later as she was giggling and obedient. She said (flat out), "I wanted to make you mad". Yep. Right there . . . a confession of what is really going on. I am learning that taking control away isn't so much in the method (did I do IT right?) but in the staying calm and appearing to be happy. You may be seething on the inside, but on the outside, you have to use a calm, gentle voice, smiling eyes and a genuine smile. It has become easier and easier for me to actually MEAN this response. At first, I was so angry inside. Now I know that this is NOT my problem to fix, but God's. I just need to be obedient to do what I know I am supposed to do and I will reap an eternal reward. He has to change her heart. My response needs to reflect God's heart toward her. I can either draw close to God during this trial or pull away as my heart becomes more bitter and angry. It is my choice. Not letting Abbie have control isn't just externally, with her behavior, but it is also not letting her control my emotions, my responses and my fellowship with God. He REALLY can be my peace during the toughest moments and my joy does not need to be dependent on whether or not Abbie has a good day (even when she unplugs the deep freezer, peels paint off the walls, and pees on the floor! This was the worst of it, not everyday occurrences ;) ).

I also learned that sometimes when Cameron and I were taking control away, we unwittingly gave Abbie MORE control. I don't really have a good example, but we saw an escalation in Abbie's behaviors when she kind of figured out our game with her. She played it back. We panicked, but now things are more peaceful and we have control back. She knows it and she has calmed down. Knowing that there are firm boundaries has given her peace.

We have also been SO busy lately. Jonas has had several baseball games, Anna had a piano recital and we also hosted a nanny from Abbie's orphanage for a night and a day. Melodie grew up in Liberia, the daughter of American missionaries. She is back on a brief visit to the States and just "happened" to be in town. It was such a blessing to meet her in person, talk about Liberia, learn more about the culture and for Abbie to see her. At first, we were worried that Abbie would think Melodie was here to take her, but Abbie was so calm leading up to and during the visit. I will post some pictures that Melodie took as soon as I get them. She is quite the photographer!

I am still in "nesting" mode and the girls and I made over 10 batches of oatmeal balls to freeze yesterday. We have also had to be creative because both our dishwasher and oven have been broken. The children have been so excited that commercial cereal has been on the menu for breakfast for a week. Thankfully, the oven was fixed yesterday (it was leaking gas!) and the new dishwasher comes tomorrow!

So . . . that's it in a nutshell. I will keep y'all posted as the time for the baby to be born quickly approaches. I also have to post a belly shot before I have no belly anymore! Thankfully, Melodie took a picture of me AND we just got a new camera (FINALLY!).

In Christ, Laura