A Great Book!

I just started reading a book that just came out about adoption that is proving to be nothing short of amazing! It is called "Adopted for Life" by Russell Moore. It is not a book just for those who have adopted, but it is from a Christian and Biblical perspective. You will not be disappointed! I am being greatly encouraged as we seek to parent Abbie and we face all of the difficult challenges adoption brings. It is reminding me about why we pursued adoption in the first place.

Let me know what you think of it!

In Christ, Laura

At Bedtime Tonight

I was reading the girls a book before bedtime, called "My Great-Aunt Arizona" and near the end of the book, the author/narrator writes that her great-aunt (I think the author is female??) hugged her students when their work was good and hugged them even when it was bad. Abbie looked up and said, "That's just like you, mommy. You hug me when I am good AND when I am bad." Wow. Such a simple statement, but so profound for Abbie to "get". Thank you, God, for working in Abigail's heart!

In Christ, Laura

A Rough Week

After those few good days last week, we had the roughest stretch of days yet! I am not even kidding when I tell you that things with Abbie have reached an all-time low. We really honestly are feeling at the end of our rope. Just when I feel like we have turned a corner, Abbie starts again but with even WORSE behaviors. Destruction of property, stealing, lying . . . I do know that God has a plan and He is in control and all I can do is ask Him to help us to not become angry and to change this little girl's heart. It is so difficult to walk in the Spirit when things are continually being done to you.

Please pray for us right now . . .

In Christ, Laura

Recent Pictures

The following are some recent pictures taken by our good friend, Lauren. Hope you enjoy them!

Nesting

I am totally nesting lately. Today, I decided that I needed to stock our freezer with meals for when the baby comes. I have been cooking up a storm. So far, I have 2 batches of cranberry muffins, 2 spinach and sausage stromblis, and a lasagna, stuffed shells, and taco soup in the works. I also took the children strawberry picking today and plan to can a bunch of jam tomorrow to replenish our dwindling supply. Where do pregnant women get this little burst of energy at the end? I have to confess that I am "one of those" who thinks that the baby can't come home until the house is perfect! I know, I know, as if the baby cares! I don't know what it is . . . maybe it is the knowledge that once the baby comes life will come to a screeching halt for awhile.

Things continue to get better and better with Abbie. She continues to test us, but it is not all day every day anymore. It used to be that if she started a day bad, she ended it bad and couldn't pull herself out of the downward spiral. Now, when she starts a day bad she pulls herself out very quickly. I guess she is tired of battling me knowing that I know what she is going to pull and she also knows what is coming. I would say that since Cameron and I returned on Saturday, she has had a streak of "good" days--meaning that she has not sat in the same spot pouting for 10 hours in her pajamas refusing to do anything. She even did school today! She is starting to share more of her thoughts and feelings with me. Yesterday, she even shared a memory from Liberia. I don't know if I believe her--the story kept changing--but it was a start. We continue to battle "food issues" but I think this is to be expected. Today, at the strawberry patch, instead of picking berries and putting them into the basket, or pickin' a few, eatin' a few, she found a spot far from me and ate and ate and ate. After some re-direction from me, she was on the right track and began to save those she picked and showed me each strawberry telling me "Look mommy, I didn't eat it."

So . . . my other news is that I have an ultrasound on Friday to measure the baby. Seems like I am measuring a few (anywhere between 3-5 weeks depending on the doctor) weeks behind. The danger is a growth-restricted baby or low amniotic fluid. However, it could also be that the baby has dropped, which is what Cameron thinks and I agree based on how things feel now: UNCOMFORTABLE! The same thing happened with Elyse and I was induced at 38 weeks due to low fluid, but she came out 6 lb. 12 oz. So, we'll see how it goes. I will not quite be 36 weeks, so hopefully we can hang on for a few more. Physically, I feel more than ready to be done, but mentally I am not ready for a newborn!

By the way . . . We have a name! Yes, it is true. And I am not telling. And don't ask Cameron because he will tell you! Shame on him. I like to keep something a surprise, some anticipation . . .

In Christ, Laura

Our Little Moxie

Well, as I write this, Cameron is in the ER with Elyse (aka Moxie) who cut her head open and is getting stitches. She is going to have to be sedated because the damage is severe. This child is nicknamed our "wild child". At just three years of age she is a reckless one. Yesterday, 2 hours after Cameron and I got home from our 3 day get-away for our 10 year anniversary, she fell out of a wagon and bit through her chin. I don't think it went all the way through, but pretty close. Her lip is all swollen and there is a bite mark on the inside and outside. About an hour after it happened, she told us that it was Katria's fault because Kati was pulling the wagon. Cameron said to her, "Elyse, you were the one who stood up! You shouldn't be standing up in the wagon especially when you are going downhill!" Her response was: "But that's funny!". Yeah. Really funny. Soon after that, I nearly had a heart attack as I went out on our deck and saw her climb on top of the cab of Cameron's pick up truck! What is she thinking after she just fell and busted her lip open??

Then today, she fell out of the van--she slipped and fell backward as she was going to her car seat and fell onto our gravel driveway, splitting her forehead open. As Cameron rushed to grab her he said, "Okay, yesterday she didn't need stitches, but today she does!" We were on our way to church and everyone hopped in the car and we headed to the ER.

Poor girl. She is in high spirits though. My little Elyse with her enormous blue eyes, blond curls and beautiful smile. She captures everyone's heart. Hopefully, she will not get hurt anymore anytime soon . . .

Cameron and I had a GREAT time for our anniversary! It was nice to get away for a few days. It was funny because the entire time we would say, "Oh, Anna would love this!" Or, "If Jonas was here, he would get a kick out of that." We repeatedly said that we would have to come back and bring the kids!

In Christ, Laura

Update

Not much is new. Abbie has continued to have good days and bad days. After a run of three good days last week, she had an awful day last Thursday. I think the most difficult thing for me is to remember the progress we have made when we are in the midst of a battle, or a bad day, and not to become discouraged. It is also extremely difficult to not revert back to "discipline-mode" when she disobeys. I have to jump right back into taking away the battle and pouring on the love. I think I need a pep talk at least once a week to continue in this (Thanks, Courtney!). Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a time when things will be "normal".

A huge blessing was that Abbie had a good day on Mother's Day, which was also the day we had her dedicated at church (along with all of the other families who have had babies this past year). Abbie repeatedly told me on Saturday that the next day was Mother's Day and she was SO glad and that she was going to have a good day. "Uh-oh, I thought, "We are in for it!" But, she was great! It still amazes me that when I lecture her or discipline her she is expressionless and nothing moves her, but when I just pour on the love, and take away the battle, she shows emotion--crying, anger, tantruming, etc.

In addition to attachment issues, I am now 34 weeks pregnant and really feeling it. Just yesterday, after some extremely painful ligament stretching, I started to contract and actually had to make a trip to labor & delivery to be checked for pre-term labor. I was having painful contractions 1-2 minutes apart for several hours. Both Cameron and I thought we were going to have a baby! Thankfully, we prayed and Cameron played some praise music on his lap top and the contractions spaced out and became less painful. After not dialating for several hours (I am at 1 cm now, 50% effaced) we were sent home. I am still having contractions, but hopefully nothing will happen for a few more weeks. We'll see . . . I have never actually made it to my due date, but I have only had one premature baby (35 weeks) and I was induced that time, and did not go into labor on my own.

In Christ, Laura

Another Recipe

As things settle down here, I feel led to blog about things other than "attachment issues". I have another great recipe to share! Before I do so, I have to share that we are on our THIRD good day in a row with Abbie! She honestly is like a changed person! No more testing, pretending not to be able to do things, no more lying, tantrums, pouting, etc. I am serious! She woke up with a smile on her face today and said "Mommy, I comin' to have a good day today!" and she did! She already informed me that tomorrow she is also going to have a good day. She doesn't even sabotage things anymore--of course, I have wizened up and not told her things in advance. There are only a few minor things I have to confront her on and really these things are "childish" behaviors, not her trying to get away with things. Sure, I think we will have many rough days ahead of us. In fact, Cameron and I are going to get away for our 10 year anniversary next week for 2 nights and I am sure that she is going to let us have it when we get back. The hardest thing is that I like to prepare my kids in advance before something big like this. However, knowing Abbie's anxiety and fear, I really do not feel I can share ahead of time that we are leaving.

I am still in awe: It is amazing how many behaviors just disappear when an adopted child stops testing--the clearing her throat noise, the rapid blinking, the not being able to make her letters, forgetting to put things away, putting clothes on backwards and inside out, forgetting to finish her chore . . . gone. Praise God! This taking away control parenting technique really really worked! Discipline didn't work, lecturing didn't work, ignoring her behavior didn't work, loads of affection didn't work . . . but this did! (Thank you God and thank you Courtney!).

Okay . . . Recipe time. This recipe come from my friend, Ginny (http://eversosmall.blogspot.com). It is so easy, economical and delicious! We call it Burrito Bowl and I make it a little different from Ginny because I use my crockpot. This recipe is also found in my recipe book. You have to try it!

Burrito Bowl

1 (16 oz.) bag dried pinto beans
1 (4 oz.) can green chilies
1 onion chopped
1 (14.5 oz.) can diced tomatoes
1 T. cumin
sea salt
water

So, I usually double this recipe, except for the onion. I dump 32 oz. of dried pinto beans in my crockpot and pour lots of water on top--8-10 cups maybe? I throw in a chopped onion and let this cook all day, until the beans are tender and a lot of the water has been absorbed. Then, I add a large can of green chilies and a 28 oz. can of diced or crushed tomatoes. I add 2 T. cumin and season with plenty of sea salt.

We serve this over rice, topped with cheese and hot sauce. Sometimes we add sour cream and dip blue corn chips in.

YUM! Enjoy!

In Christ, Laura

Settling Down

As Abbie continues to attach, and makes progress in obedience, things are settling down here. It is nice that not every conversation with Cameron is about what Abbie did, or how to handle a situation with Abbie. She is no longer the "focus" of our family. I don't think any of the other children suffered from a lack of attention during the weeks when things were the most heated--however, I think they did suffer from a lack of my HEART'S attention. In everyday life, each child received attention, love, and affection, but in my mind I was constantly preoccupied with what was going on with Abbie. It was difficult. It can feel like an adopted child is consuming you. Even as you take control away, they are controlling your thoughts because you are very aware of their every action, word and very presence. Abbie would be "resting" in her room trying to "get strong" enough to handle something, and I would have HOURS with my biological children, but my mind would be thinking about how to handle the situation with Abbie. It was draining despite the normalcy of the events of my day.

As Abbie has attached, and I have attached, she is fading back into the "group" of children as one of the gang and it feels good. It feels like peace is returning to our home. It feels like God has blessed us and I am so thankful. This was His work.

For those of you going through this right now, it does get better. It takes time, prayer and consistent taking away control. It takes hours of processing with someone who understands, who has been there, who can explain the "why" behind behavior. We are NOT there yet, but we are having better and better days. I would say the worst is behind us. I would say that the "breakthrough" we had a few weeks back was the beginning. I would say that I am finally beginning to understand RAD--but that I still don't "get it". I am also thoroughly "schooled" in who Abbie is now and how she works. For example, I know that if she starts a day off bad that I have to be the one to pull her out of her pit of sin and misery--she will not crawl out willingly. I can even give her a second chance to obey and she will not. I have to be the one to snap her out of it and it works. She has attached enough to me at this point to accept my discipline and change her heart. She cries out to me now, reaches for me, and asks for help. However, if I let her go, if I leave her to herself, she will destroy herself (eventually) and ruin her day with her destructive behavior. She knows that she is only hurting herself. She doesn't care. I have to be the strong one, and my joy cannot be dependent on her moods.

So, we are coming out of the darkness and into the light and there is hope--hope that this little girl is healing. We have a LONG way to go. We need much prayer. I need to preach the gospel to myself and Abbie everyday. I trust Christ more as a result of this trial and that has made it all worth it.

In Christ, Laura

Recipe

I haven't shared a recipe in quite awhile--probably because I got tired of typing so many out for my recipe book. This one is from the book, and it is one we have quite often for breakfast. My mom made this for me when I was a child. My kids LOVE it and request it all the time! I have to triple this recipe to feed my crew!

Dutch Pancake

3 eggs
1/2 c. milk
1/2 c. flour
1 t. sugar
1/2 t. salt
1 T. butter

I mix all the ingredients while the oven preheats to 425 degrees, and the butter melts in a large skillet on the stove. Then I pour the batter into the skillet and cook for 3 minutes on the stove. Next, I insert the pan into the oven and bake for about 10 minutes. This thing puffs up real big and golden. I sprinkle it with confectioner's sugar and serve with homemade jelly.

That's it!

In Christ, Laura

I Should Have Known Better

On Tuesday this week, Abbie had a rotten day. Testing, testing, all day long. At 7 pm, I left to go to a Tea for a homeschooling group. I returned home after the children had long been in bed. The very next morning, Abbie began by testing again. She was laying in my bed and told me she was not going to do school or her chore. The only reason she was dressed was because I handed her her clothes and took off her PJ's. She could either sit in her underwear or get dressed. Thankfully, she chose the latter.

I told her that she did not HAVE to have a bad day, that she could choose to obey and to be happy. She told me no.

As I was walking away from her with a heavy heart, I prayed and asked God for insight and it hit me--or rather God made things clear to me . . . and I should have known better.

I went back into the room and sat next to Abbie. I asked her, "Abbie, how did it make you feel yesterday when mommy left for her tea?" She said, "I so mad! I want to be bad ALL day!" Yes, that was it. The other children had brought it up at breakfast that day, that I would be leaving that evening. Abbie had asked if she could come. I told her no, children were not invited, but that daddy would be with her. She seemed to accept this, but went on to test all day. After she told me she was mad at me, I reassured her for a few minutes that I would always come back, that she was safe, that I loved her, etc. etc. I even pointed out that she was fine when I left, but that I thought that maybe she was scared all day when she THOUGHT of me leaving. Maybe that anticipation created too much anxiety. I also told her next time she could talk to me about being scared about me leaving instead of disobeying all day. After I was done talking, Abbie immediately sat up and said, "I'm ready to do my chore!", in a cheerful voice. Complete turn-around.

Within a few minutes, she was back and seemed upset again. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "You comin' to leave me when the baby is born." Her fear and anxiety was clearly visible on her features. I reassured her that daddy would be with her while I was in the hospital. She was not calmed. She said, "Daddy comin' to be with you to take the baby out." Yes, this is true, I told her, but then he would come right home to get her, to take care of her. This still did nothing to allay her fears. I told her I would never leave her with anyone she did not know and that it would not be that long and she would be fine. I also tried to get her excited about coming to the hospital to see me. I think that as my due date approaches, her anxiety about me leaving may get worse and we may see some more acting-out. However, now I know what to expect and how to address it.

I really should have known better. Even though Abbie is totally fine when I am gone, I think that there is anxiety about the anticipation of me leaving. For sure it is related to abandonment issues. I can tell her and tell her I am coming back, but only time and my character can convince her.

Abbie has continued to test me this entire week, but it is getting much better. I guess it really amazes me that she will try and try and try the same things over and over and over . . .

On a different subject, I am totally "nesting" here. I do this every time I am near the end of my pregnancy. I go on a cleaning rampage and organize every nook and cranny of my house (as if the baby really cares! LOL). I am an organizational neat-freak. I don't even want money for the stuff I get rid of--I just want it gone! I guess you could call it my "hobby" to organize things. I am sure all of my children are going to have some "packrat" tendencies when they grow up as a result of their crazy mom who gets rid of everything.

In Christ, Laura