Co-Sleeping

I am a momma that co-sleeps with my babies. I never really planned this. When I was pregnant with Anna, I was in grad school getting my Master's in Social Work. In my Infant and Child Development class, a classmate did a report on co-sleeping. I learned many interesting things, but it did not convince me to co-sleep. I entered motherhood without a real plan about a lot of things. I knew that I was going to breastfeed and that's about it. I had no idea such controversies about sleeping and eating existed! I had never heard of "Babywise", "attachment parenting", and "crying-it-out". I think I just kind of figured that a lot of parenting "know-how" would come to me instinctively when I became a mother. Let me tell you, that did not happen.

I see so many young mothers now handling their infants with such expertise, such poise, such knowledge and that was NOT me. I was a nervous wreck. I knew nothing. Breastfeeding was the most painful and hardest thing in the world. I am not kidding. I cracked and bled for 6 weeks, visited a lactation consultant more than 5 times and did not really heal for 3 months. I still bear the scars. I was also an emotional basket case. Okay . . . Enough about my inadequacies . . . :). Onto co-sleeping.

So, the first night home from the hospital, our newborn Anna made all these strange noises that freaked me out--squeaks, grunts, and weird breathing sounds. She was in a bassinet next to our bed and I could not sleep. Every noise led me to believe that she was on the verge of waking up. I finally pulled her into bed with me and held her close, feeling more secure in the knowledge that when she woke up I would know it. I nursed her laying down and was able to rest at the same time.

I enjoyed the security of having her close to me. It was the best bonding experience and it felt so good to have her little body snuggled next to mine. Anna slept with me for 8 weeks until she was moved to a bassinet next to our bed and then eventually her own crib. We repeated the same pattern with each of our children. It is not that I planned to move them at 8 weeks, it was just the time when they started becoming more wiggly and slept better on their own. I would love to co-sleep longer. We'll see how long Semaiah lasts. I am living proof that it is a myth that if you have your baby sleep with you they will not ever leave your bed. I have successfully transferred 5 babies to their cribs.

One huge benefit of co-sleeping is that I am not sleep-deprived. I simply latch the baby on when I feel her stir and drift back to sleep, never really fully waking up. For me, this is key to survival during the first few months of intense night feedings!

Here are some things I have learned about co-sleeping you may not know. I cannot validate these claims by citing exactly where this information is found. I just remember either reading or hearing these facts and they stuck with me.

First, America has one of the highest rate of SIDS in the world and we also have the lowest rate of co-sleeping. In countries that almost universally co-sleep, SIDS is unheard of. In fact, other countries think we are crazy for putting our newborns in a crib in a separate room. I remember this information from the report my classmate in grad school gave. I also learned that every documented case of a death resulting from co-sleeping, due to rolling on top of the baby, was from a father, not a mother, unless drugs or alcohol were involved. A mother is aware of her baby even in sleep. I read somewhere else that a mother and her co-sleeping infant's circadian rhythms synchronize so that when a baby enters a light phase of sleep, so does her mother so that the baby never fully awakens and cries to be fed, nor does a mother fully awaken. Instead, she simply latches her baby on in this light phase of sleep and then both peacefully drift back to dreamland. Another tidbit of information I read is that a lactating, co-sleeping mother does not ever enter the fourth stage of sleep, or deep sleep, but travels through stages 1-3, then REM. My guess is that this insures that she does not sleep so deeply that she could roll on her baby.

One interesting story about co-sleeping involves Katria. Cameron and I believe that co-sleeping saved her life. When she was 4 days old, we came home from the hospital and she slept with us. Cameron was nervous because she was so tiny, but I could not part with her. The next night found us in the PICU with her on a respirator. She had stopped breathing. We learned that it is not lack of oxygen that causes a baby to take a breath, but a build-up of carbon dioxide. Thus, as Katria slept next to me that first night, I breathed into her face all night--carbon dioxide--reminding her frail body to breath. Had she slept on her own, she may have stopped breathing that first night while we slept unknowingly. This theory could explain why SIDS is so rare in co-sleeping countries.

Co-sleeping is not for everyone. Some mothers cannot sleep with the noise of their newborns. Others are too nervous that they will harm the baby. For me, I am more nervous about not having my baby close to me. I fear that the risk of something happening is far greater when my baby is not with me. All of the choices we make regarding our babies are so personal: scheduling vs. nursing on demand, co-sleeping, crying-it-out, breastfeeding, etc. Only we can make those choices. You can find research to back up whatever you believe and research against the opposite view. The problem is when we allow others to make us feel guilty for our choices. Is there a "right" way? Maybe. We all believe that our way is the right way and would never choose to harm our babies. In addition, each baby is so different. I just wanted to share why we co-sleep and some interesting things I have learned along the way! :)

In Christ, Laura