Abbie and the New Baby

As each day this week might be "the" day that the baby will be born, Abbie has been acting out again, more so than the previous few weeks. Yesterday was just plain awful. After a day of battling her, it finally occurred to me what was going on. Yes, we realize that she is anxious about all the "unknowns" involved in the baby's arrival. However, there was one specific behavior she was repeating that made no sense to us. It did not matter how we disciplined her or what we said, she continued in this one defiant act: not getting out of bed in the morning. She used to do this almost every day and I thought we had "conquered" that behavior. So, when she started again this week, we wondered what was going on! In addition, once she started a day off wrong this week, she continued all day. This is also something she has not done for awhile. Lately, once we attack one behavior it is done and she goes on to have a successful day. Not this week. She would get out of bed, use the bathroom and go back to bed and lay there. The rule in our house is you get out of bed, use the bathroom and come up to have your quiet time and start your chore before breakfast. Not Abbie. Not this week. However, she let us KNOW she was awake and not coming up by fake sneezing, kicking the wall, singing loudly as she washed her hands, and talking loudly to wake up her sisters. (we try to let Katria and Elyse sleep longer since they are still young, don't take naps, and don't necessarily have the same school schedule).

Cameron and I were really frustrated. Finally everything "clicked" and I had one of those "duh" moments. I feel like it was a smack in the face as we realized it too late, not in the moment, but after an entire day of one issue after another. Abbie knows that the baby could come ANY DAY--it is even MORE of a possibility than a few weeks ago. She knows when my due date it--she is really clued in to dates, days of the week, and schedules. She also knows that there is the possibility that I could have this baby in the middle of the night and that when she wakes up there will be someone else sitting at the table--and that someone could be any number of possibilities--whoever is available to watch the kids. So, why is she not getting out of bed in the morning, but waiting until Anna wakes up to come upstairs? Fear. She is afraid, she has never been through this before. She does not know what to expect . . . or who to expect. Her fear has driven her behavior so strongly that it is WORTH IT to her to risk discipline than come up and confront someone she may not feel comfortable with. Did I mention she is always the first one up?

I sat her down and started to ask her, "I am wondering something . . . " I always have to be careful not to GIVE her the excuse to cling to for her behavior. Well, tears welled up in her eyes and her hands began to twist and work, rubbing together furiously. I hit the nail on the head. As soon as we addressed this fear her behavior changed INSTANTLY. Her whole countenance changed. She was a new girl.

This morning, she got out of bed right away and had a good day! Maybe she heard that it was me upstairs? She had a good day . . . until this afternoon when she decided to have an "accident" on purpose right in front of me, pretend a door was locked and she "couldn't" open it, and gave me the wrong number of hangers than I asked for. She also decided to talk wrong--her most infamous "tic" right now--and pretended she didn't know how to ask for her snack.

I sat her down again and we had another LONG talk. Tears instantly flowed . . . real tears, not the "I-am-blinking-to-produce-fake-tears" act, but genuine tears and I held her and rocked her. What came from that conversation? Well, I again tried to be careful not to "plant" anything in her mind, but she told me she wanted to be in my belly right now, not the baby. She loves the baby and is excited, but she is also kind of mad at the baby for being "my baby". She is also mad because she sees that I am having a baby that I am "keeping", but she was not kept by the person in whose belly she grew.

It has been a difficult week, but God has made it clear that THESE are some of the reasons I have not had the baby yet. He wants us to go through this, to have these "realizations", as well as to trust Him for His perfect timing.

Please pray this baby comes soon! We would really really like her to come before Saturday because that is when Cameron starts his paternity leave and would give us 2 weeks before my parents come for a visit. Also, Cameron has a presentation on Saturday and we have a babysitter coming . . . unless I am in labor. Then he will not be able to go. It is kind of a personal, meaningful presentation for someone who is graduating so it means a lot to us that he goes. If I am in the hospital and have had the baby--great! If I have had the baby and am home--great, we have a sitter who will come help! If I haven't had the baby, I can go with him. So . . . anytime before Saturday or after Saturday, but before is preferable so that we can maximize his paternity leave. Also, please pray for all of our children as we transition with the birth of this baby, but specifically for Abbie. All of our bio. children have been through this . . . some many times. All this is new and scary for Abbie in ways that we can never understand as she processes her own origins, her birth mom, and grieves that she is not with her "tummy mommy" and that I am not her "tummy mommy".

In Christ, Laura