Settling Down

As Abbie continues to attach, and makes progress in obedience, things are settling down here. It is nice that not every conversation with Cameron is about what Abbie did, or how to handle a situation with Abbie. She is no longer the "focus" of our family. I don't think any of the other children suffered from a lack of attention during the weeks when things were the most heated--however, I think they did suffer from a lack of my HEART'S attention. In everyday life, each child received attention, love, and affection, but in my mind I was constantly preoccupied with what was going on with Abbie. It was difficult. It can feel like an adopted child is consuming you. Even as you take control away, they are controlling your thoughts because you are very aware of their every action, word and very presence. Abbie would be "resting" in her room trying to "get strong" enough to handle something, and I would have HOURS with my biological children, but my mind would be thinking about how to handle the situation with Abbie. It was draining despite the normalcy of the events of my day.

As Abbie has attached, and I have attached, she is fading back into the "group" of children as one of the gang and it feels good. It feels like peace is returning to our home. It feels like God has blessed us and I am so thankful. This was His work.

For those of you going through this right now, it does get better. It takes time, prayer and consistent taking away control. It takes hours of processing with someone who understands, who has been there, who can explain the "why" behind behavior. We are NOT there yet, but we are having better and better days. I would say the worst is behind us. I would say that the "breakthrough" we had a few weeks back was the beginning. I would say that I am finally beginning to understand RAD--but that I still don't "get it". I am also thoroughly "schooled" in who Abbie is now and how she works. For example, I know that if she starts a day off bad that I have to be the one to pull her out of her pit of sin and misery--she will not crawl out willingly. I can even give her a second chance to obey and she will not. I have to be the one to snap her out of it and it works. She has attached enough to me at this point to accept my discipline and change her heart. She cries out to me now, reaches for me, and asks for help. However, if I let her go, if I leave her to herself, she will destroy herself (eventually) and ruin her day with her destructive behavior. She knows that she is only hurting herself. She doesn't care. I have to be the strong one, and my joy cannot be dependent on her moods.

So, we are coming out of the darkness and into the light and there is hope--hope that this little girl is healing. We have a LONG way to go. We need much prayer. I need to preach the gospel to myself and Abbie everyday. I trust Christ more as a result of this trial and that has made it all worth it.

In Christ, Laura