After those few good days last week, we had the roughest stretch of days yet! I am not even kidding when I tell you that things with Abbie have reached an all-time low. We really honestly are feeling at the end of our rope. Just when I feel like we have turned a corner, Abbie starts again but with even WORSE behaviors. Destruction of property, stealing, lying . . . I do know that God has a plan and He is in control and all I can do is ask Him to help us to not become angry and to change this little girl's heart. It is so difficult to walk in the Spirit when things are continually being done to you.
Please pray for us right now . . .
In Christ, Laura
Cameron and Laura
Anna--8
Jonas--7
Abigail--6
Katria--5
Elyse--4
Haven Aleeya--23 months
Semaiah Danielle--born June 20th
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- laura mouro
- I am a Christian, a wife, and a mother to 7 children under the age of 8, one of whom is adopted from Liberia, West Africa. I stay-at-home and homeschool my precious children, seeking to glorify God in all I do.
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14 comments:
As we got deeper into attachment therapy and started to address things directly through therapeutic parenting, Mar continued to escalate. I remember the day I knew if it got any worse, we would have to consider an RTC or heavy medication.
So, we switched things around again, and basically gave her a break from anything which might cause stress - and I'd dance on my head if it kept her from escalating (seriously, I think I might have danced on my head one day).
After about a month of THAT, then I slowly began to ease her back into "normal" life. It was a constant game of Whack-A-Mole as we tried to stay one step ahead of her fear.
She is a smart cookie. She realized what was going on, and it just simply scared her to death. She had to do whatever it took to keep us away. I had to do whatever it took to keep her from keeping us away.
And we're finally pulling out on the other side. I'm hogging your comments to say I'm praying for you right now by name - praying for God's unbelievable creativity to ooze from your pores each time she tries once again to keep you at a distance. Praying He will blind you to the behavior and shine a bright light on what she is feeling, and so desperately trying to hide.
A day at a time ...
Oh, who am I kidding?? An HOUR at a time!!!
Hugs. Tons and tons and tons of hugs.
c
Laura,
Your family is in our prayers. May God heal your little Abby. We love you.
Kami
I am praying for you Laura.
Christine, I would love to "talk" to you some more about how things went for you guys. Could you email me? mommamouro@yahoo.com
Ginny and Kami, thank you so much for praying. We SO need it right now!
Laura
We are in the same trenches with our little girl (age 6) She is trying all sorts of things to keep us at a distance yet desperately and jealously wanting to connect as her brothers are starting to (We are adopting a sibling group of three and between the three are dealing with all sorts of attachment issues and behavior. Praying for you too!
Laura,
We will be praying for you this week. May the Lord grant you the strength to "just keep swimming" (in the words of the wise "Dory" fish from Finding NEMO). I can remember feeling like that was all that we could do at times - just keep going, just keep loving, just keep at it, just digging our heels in and determine to win the battle for their hearts. . . it is not an easy task and it is not do-able without the strength of the Lord, but praise be to God that HE is right there with us, HE was there before us and will be there after us, HE loves our children even more than us, HE IS ABLE!!! Be encouraged, dear friend. Continue to fight the good fight and find rest in Him.
Love and prayers,
Laura, I'm praying for you Literally.
I am hoping that the week is a better one for you, and you can find some time for rest.
Laura,
I have lurked here for a while, but at Ginny's urging, I'm stepping out of lurkdom to let you know I am praying for you. I think Christine gave you some amazing advice. It seems the deeper you get in, the more their fear becomes a desperate fight for "survival".
I will keep and Abbie (and your whole family) in prayer!
dawn
I found you here from Ginny's link. You must be just so exhausted and frustrated. Your daughter sounds quite like mine and it is difficult for me to feel like, ok great we finally have taken a few steps forward only to find out it was many many more steps backwards. It can feel very discouraging!
My thought is that as your daughter connects with you and your family she is starting to feel. Feel things like love and empathy and it scares her to no end- I imagine those being scarce feelings prior to her adoption. So in a way it could be positive that she is acting out this way, becoming more raw but also expressive and hopefully you are on your way. I hope this makes sense, I am trying not to hijack your comments as well lol!
ps, is Ruthie Abby?
I, too, am right there with you. I have two little RADlings myself. In our case, I firmly believe PTSD is driving their attachment. It is so heartbreaking to watch.
There seems to be a lot of families right now really struggling with an escalation of negative behavior from our hurt kids. I'm guessing it has something to do with the end of the school year approaching...and perhaps sheer terror in what they're going to do having to be home all day with mom all summer long.
One thing that really helps me get through the really dark days is stepping back and really celebrating their accomplishments and their progress. We've seen a lot of progress lately with my older son in terms of healing. Especially right around Mother's Day, we saw him finally start to enter that grieving process and express an emotion other than anger when he was triggered into trauma mode. For the first time ever, we saw appropriate tears and sadness. I know it terrified him. Greif isn't fun and it's hard and it's scary and it's sometimes too tempting and too easy just to shut down and stuff it all back inside again - thus the major regression in our world. But, I also know he'll go there again and pick that grieving process up again soon...and next time he'll move even deeper into it - and eventually through it.
My other big celebration is that we haven't had any issues with him wetting himself or worse (aka mad peeing/pooping) during this latest regression. For him, this is HUGE progress and something HE is aware of and something HE is celebrating himself.
It's the little things (that really are big things) like this that carry me to the next little ray of light and give me hope to hold on to. Hopefully you can find some little thing to celebrate about your Abbie amidst all the chaos she's otherwise creating. Sometimes it's best not to make a big deal of them to her or she'll sabotage them, but still celebrate within yourself.
(((hugs!)))
Just wanted you to know I have been and will continue to pray for you. Amy
Hey Sis,
I'm so encouraged by the amount of love and understanding these sisters can give you.
God is good and the family is ever on my heart day and night. Love you, Girl!
Zinnada<><
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