Bitterness

God showed me today, ever so gently in that perfect way of His, that there is bitterness in my heart. "How did that get there?", I thought. "Where did this come from? How did I allow this to grow unnoticed? Shouldn't I have noticed this bitterness before?" As I pondered my bitter feelings and its origin, I realized that bitterness can begin even with a small sin committed against us, something that we think has offended us. We then allow this offense to turn into anger and the anger takes root and grows into bitterness. Like a cancer it will take over our hearts and destroy us. We will eventually become a slave to it if we don't get rid of it.

Cameron pointed out to me yesterday that who are we to get annoyed or offended by someone's behavior, even when it is targeted at us? It shows that we think more highly of ourselves that we ought. If we are annoyed with someone, we reveal that we think our way of doing things, our standard is best and the other person has fallen short of what we expect. Are we better? NO! The Bible says that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). We all deserve God's wrath, we are all messed up and apart from God's grace, shown to us through Christ, we would all be destined for hell.

But, watch out if we think we have been offended by someone. Mistreated. No way. We have learned to defend ourselves. To speak up when someone offends us in the check-out line at the grocery store. We take offense so easily, not because we are insecure, but because we love ourselves so much that we seek to protect our pride, our reputation. How dare someone offend us!

But, what about Christ? Did he ever take revenge? Did he allow bitterness to grow? He WAS better than everyone. He was offended. He forgave.

It doesn't matter who it is . . . a co-worker, your parents, a child, a spouse, a friend, or even a stranger, or a group of people, such as a race or nation--it isn't right. Once bitterness takes root, we tend to act out in it. Try as you might, it is near impossible to not act in accordance to those feelings. We may snub a person or avoid contact, our anger simmering beneath the surface as we act passive-aggressively. Or we may become more aggressive and spread gossip, slander a person's reputation or lash out with angry words.

As I became aware of the bitterness in my heart, I felt despair, wondering how I could get rid of it and purify my heart. I mean, how can you just turn off your anger, your annoyance, your hurt feeligs? God pointed me to Colossians chapter 3, and in verse 9 it says to rid ourselves of anger, rage, malice and slander. Verse 12 says to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. A heart clothed with those things will be an environment that will not allow bitterness to grow. A humble, kind, gentle and patient person is not going to be easily offended.Verse 13 says "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. FORGIVE AS THE LORD FORGAVE YOU." How quickly I forget, when I am offended, just how offensive my sin was to God, but He forgave me. Bitterness hurts not only the person whom we are bitter toward, but it also hurts our relationship with God. Verse 15 says "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." Can peace rule in a heart that harbors bitterness? I want to have a heart that is at peace, even when I am offended.

Corrie ten Boom wrote in her book, "Tramp for the Lord", the importance of forgiveness. She explained that not forgiving someone, harboring bitterness, will destroy us. It will. It will harden our hearts toward God. It will make our love grow cold. It will steal our joy. She realized, after she was freed from a concentration camp, that she needed to forgive the guards. She came face to face with one of them at one point and he asked for her forgiveness. She said it was the most difficult thing she ever had to do, to extend her hand and forgive him. But, once she did, she was released from the bondage of bitterness. She was free!

I realized, as I further studied my bitterness, that I could not get rid of it on my own. The memories of what led to the bitterness are still too powerful. I need to take it to the cross and ask God to help me to forgive through the power of His Spirit. I don't want to have a heart of bitterness, but a heart of peace. I asked God to help me forgive this person. I don't want to be angry. I want to love. Love covers over a multitude of sins. I want to put this person before myelf and my interests. I need a Biblical view of myself so that I don't elevate myself to the status that I think it is okay to believe that someone has offended me. I need to remind myself how much I have been forgiven. It is NOT mine to take revenge or make someone "pay" for what they did to me. It is also not always the right decision to tell the person that they offended you, but you forgave them. What is the point of that but to cause them to have bitterness toward you? We need to forgive quietly.

And pray, pray, pray. Corrie ten Boom says that sometimes, even after you have forgiven someone, those feelings can come creeping back and take over again. She experienced this once when she was offended at some of her friends for taking something from her. She thought she had forgiven them, but she kept all of the letters that were proof that they had lied to her. Another kind friend pointed out this bitterness and that she needed to get rid of those letters in order to truly forgive them.

I don't know that I am totally free from the bitterness I have. I suspect I am not. I am praying about it and taking it to God again and again, as many times as it takes to get rid of it.


In Christ, Laura