Cameron is on-call tonight. For an ob/gyn physician, that means in-house (at the hospital) all night. It is always a long day knowing Cameron is not going to be coming home. The kids are disappointed and dinner feels different (although bedtime is earlier! ;) )
In order to cheer myself up, I thought I would make a list of a few of my favorite things!
Here are 10 things that are guaranteed to boost my spirits.
1) A cup of tea. I love tea. I used to just do tea bags, but my friend, Christi, got me hooked on good loose leaf tea, freshly brewed. There is nothing like it to lift your mood! Cameron got me some loose leaf tea and a nice strainer for mother's day. Then, some friends who work with Cameron threw me a "mommy shower" and showered me with gifts, among them lots of loose leaf tea, a mug with a strainer, and a great tea pot in which to steep tea. When I sit down to do school with my kids, you will most likely find a cup of hot tea next to me. It makes me look forward to this time with my kids. I usually have another cup during rest time and sometimes one more on those long afternoons that I am counting the hours until Cameron comes home. My girls now love to have their own tea parties--it is so much fun! Tea makes me feel good! My favorite? Black tea with a tablespoon of sugar and a splash of milk! :)
2) A good book. I love to read and always have. What I don't like to read? Science-fiction and fantasy. Call me a realist, but anything unbelievable makes me cringe. I could not get through "One Hundred Years' of Solitude" because of that--no matter how good everyone says the book is!
3)A good deal. There is such a sense of accomplishment I feel when I find a good deal. I love thrift stores, used book stores and garage sales. Most likely, if you see something in my house you like, I will tell you what a good deal I got on it! Why pay full price when you can get a deal? I think I drive Cameron a little nuts with this one. When I do have to pay regular price for something I tend to think it is outrageous and Cameron has to remind me that it is "normal" to pay certain prices for things.
4) A clean house. Although I have a slew of kids, I will not succumb to letting my standards of neatness go. It would just drive me nuts. It does now when I see clutter left out. I think I am unwittingly turning all of my kids into slobs though in rebellion to me! Yes, they may be neat now, but wait until they are on their own! They will have disorganized closets just to spite me, I know it!
5) Good music, particularly good praise music. I don't listen to anything non-Christian because of my past and where it takes my mind. However, I do tend to like heavier music. Back in the day, I went to a lot of concerts, most of them alternative music. I have been in mosh pits and "rode the crowd" and I still enjoy music that is "edgy-er". I also can't stand any song that is intended to pull my heart strings. It is just too much cheese for me. So . . . at our wedding, Cameron and I danced to an instrumental song and I don't remember what I danced to with my dad. No matter how much my mom pushed, I just couldn't do "Butterfly Kisses". (sorry, just not me). I do remember that we danced to a lot of Beck! Right now, I really like Need to Breathe, Matt Kearney, Jennifer Knapp, etc.
6) Reading to my kids. This is my favorite part of homeschool. My kids love it and I love a good book. If I don't like the book, I can't read it to my kids. I have to look forward to reading it or it just doesn't work. I can't stand any book with talking animals (for older kids, that is--chapter books). Remember, I don't like the "unbelievability" factor? So . . . "Charlotte's Web", "Ralph S. Mouse", "The Trumpet of the Swan" all out. It's just me. I'm weird.
7) Salads. I love me a good salad. I have always loved salads. Even when I was a kid, I ordered a salad every time we went out to eat. Every time. Not kidding. Five years old, eating a salad at Burger Chef. Does anyone else remember Burger Chef? My grandma used to take me out to eat and I would choose Burger Chef over any fast food restaurant because they had salads. I could eat a salad every day and never get tired of it. In fact, when Katria was in the hospital with meningitis, I got free meals because I was nursing. I ate a chef salad for lunch and dinner, EVERYDAY for a month. No joke.
8) A good work out. I like to exercise. I used to run a lot. I ran in high school on the track team. I was a sprinter. In college, I ran for enjoyment. I ran even when I had a couple of kids. I threw them in the double jogger and off we went. Now, it is next to impossible. So, I do workout tapes with weights. Yes, they are totally cheesy, but the workout isn't. I am talking squats, lunges, pushups, all with weights. Weights on your shoulders, in your hands, strapped to your ankles. I like to "feel the burn" and I am the weirdo who thinks it is great if I am sore the next day after a workout. Not now, I'm not working out. But, I did this until I was 34 weeks pregnant. However, I don't like pilates and such. Too slow. And although I used to enjoy Tae Bo, I think it makes my head hurt or something. All that jumping around and kicking and such. Too much.
9) Being a woman. It's not that I have ever disliked being feminine, but at one time I didn't embrace all that being a woman was meant to be. I used to not ever want to get married or have kids. I wanted to have a career and compete in a "man's world". I just don't feel that need anymore. I see the strength in being a woman, being who God intended me to be, doing what God intended me to do: The highest calling for a woman--being a wife and mother. I used to think "equality" meant doing the same thing as a man, just as good. But, equality is also doing a completely different job than a man and having it be valued just as highly. That is what I would love women to see. We are NOT stuck at home, raising kids, waiting, waiting, waiting until they are grown so we can do "our thing". NO! What we do is SO important, so much value. I have learned to love what my body was created to do: bear and nurse children. It is amazing and I hope I never de-value or complain about it again!
10) Having good, long, uninterrupted talks with my husband. We have so much to say to each other. Even after 10 years of marriage you can't shut us up. I never want to be one of those middle-aged couples who sits at the booth in the restaurant in silence, or drives on the highway in silence. It depresses me. There is so much to talk about, so much to say! Cameron and I can't find enough time to share with each other what is on our minds. I hope we stay this way!
So . . . those are a few of my favorite things. These things cheer me up and characterize who I am. I am sure I could think of dozens more if I let myself. These are just the first 10 that came to mind! :)
In Christ, Laura
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Eyes
Brown Eyes:
Blue Eyes:
Green Eyes:
Brown Eyes:
What Color Will Semaiah Have?
It is so much fun that our childen all look different! I know there are resemblances, but to me they are all so unique! So far, and I know this is hard to believe, Semaiah looks like Elyse as a baby! Elyse had dark har when she was born and it all fell out and came back blond and curly! Semaiah, so far, seems like she is going to keep her blue eyes! We'll see . . . only time will tell! :)
Blue Eyes:
Green Eyes:
Brown Eyes:
What Color Will Semaiah Have?
It is so much fun that our childen all look different! I know there are resemblances, but to me they are all so unique! So far, and I know this is hard to believe, Semaiah looks like Elyse as a baby! Elyse had dark har when she was born and it all fell out and came back blond and curly! Semaiah, so far, seems like she is going to keep her blue eyes! We'll see . . . only time will tell! :)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Turkish Cooking
I LOVE Turkish cuisine. I fell in love with it the first time I visited Turkey in 1997. Cameron and I traveled there in 2000 during our first year of marriage. Since then, I have tried to replicate many of the dishes I had while there. I have posted a few of them on this blog.
I recently learned that Turkish cooking is the third largest cuisine in the world, after Chinese and French. I also discovered that it is the healthiest cuisine in the world! Turkish cooking includes fresh ingredients, using lots of vegetables and grains. Many recipes are very simple, relying on the natural flavor of the food instead of masking it with dressings and sauces.
I found this website last week and have been so excited to try out some of the recipes! The woman who writes this website also has a Turkish cookbook out!
Here is a recipe for a Turkish salad that I found HERE. It is really easy, so even a sleep-deprived momma of a newborn can throw it together!
Turkish Salad
1 1/2 cups diced tomatoes
1 cup diced green bell pepper
1 cup diced peeled cucumber
1/2 cup minced fresh parsley
1/3 cup green onion
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon fresh ground pepper
Combine all ingredients and chill for at least an hour before serving.
That's it! So easy, fresh and healthy! In almost every restaurant in Turkey, this salad is placed on the table, sort of as an appetizer.
I find it so much fun to not only try new recipes, but to also try recipes from international cuisine. Some of our family favorites are not pizza and spaghetti, but Lahmajoon and African peanut soup. I consider it important for my children to try new foods. Hopefully it will make them adventurous in their tastes! Then, if God calls them into missions overseas they will be more likely to try new things, embracing the culture where God has placed them.
In Christ, Laura
I recently learned that Turkish cooking is the third largest cuisine in the world, after Chinese and French. I also discovered that it is the healthiest cuisine in the world! Turkish cooking includes fresh ingredients, using lots of vegetables and grains. Many recipes are very simple, relying on the natural flavor of the food instead of masking it with dressings and sauces.
I found this website last week and have been so excited to try out some of the recipes! The woman who writes this website also has a Turkish cookbook out!
Here is a recipe for a Turkish salad that I found HERE. It is really easy, so even a sleep-deprived momma of a newborn can throw it together!
Turkish Salad
1 1/2 cups diced tomatoes
1 cup diced green bell pepper
1 cup diced peeled cucumber
1/2 cup minced fresh parsley
1/3 cup green onion
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon fresh ground pepper
Combine all ingredients and chill for at least an hour before serving.
That's it! So easy, fresh and healthy! In almost every restaurant in Turkey, this salad is placed on the table, sort of as an appetizer.
I find it so much fun to not only try new recipes, but to also try recipes from international cuisine. Some of our family favorites are not pizza and spaghetti, but Lahmajoon and African peanut soup. I consider it important for my children to try new foods. Hopefully it will make them adventurous in their tastes! Then, if God calls them into missions overseas they will be more likely to try new things, embracing the culture where God has placed them.
In Christ, Laura
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Co-Sleeping
I am a momma that co-sleeps with my babies. I never really planned this. When I was pregnant with Anna, I was in grad school getting my Master's in Social Work. In my Infant and Child Development class, a classmate did a report on co-sleeping. I learned many interesting things, but it did not convince me to co-sleep. I entered motherhood without a real plan about a lot of things. I knew that I was going to breastfeed and that's about it. I had no idea such controversies about sleeping and eating existed! I had never heard of "Babywise", "attachment parenting", and "crying-it-out". I think I just kind of figured that a lot of parenting "know-how" would come to me instinctively when I became a mother. Let me tell you, that did not happen.
I see so many young mothers now handling their infants with such expertise, such poise, such knowledge and that was NOT me. I was a nervous wreck. I knew nothing. Breastfeeding was the most painful and hardest thing in the world. I am not kidding. I cracked and bled for 6 weeks, visited a lactation consultant more than 5 times and did not really heal for 3 months. I still bear the scars. I was also an emotional basket case. Okay . . . Enough about my inadequacies . . . :). Onto co-sleeping.
So, the first night home from the hospital, our newborn Anna made all these strange noises that freaked me out--squeaks, grunts, and weird breathing sounds. She was in a bassinet next to our bed and I could not sleep. Every noise led me to believe that she was on the verge of waking up. I finally pulled her into bed with me and held her close, feeling more secure in the knowledge that when she woke up I would know it. I nursed her laying down and was able to rest at the same time.
I enjoyed the security of having her close to me. It was the best bonding experience and it felt so good to have her little body snuggled next to mine. Anna slept with me for 8 weeks until she was moved to a bassinet next to our bed and then eventually her own crib. We repeated the same pattern with each of our children. It is not that I planned to move them at 8 weeks, it was just the time when they started becoming more wiggly and slept better on their own. I would love to co-sleep longer. We'll see how long Semaiah lasts. I am living proof that it is a myth that if you have your baby sleep with you they will not ever leave your bed. I have successfully transferred 5 babies to their cribs.
One huge benefit of co-sleeping is that I am not sleep-deprived. I simply latch the baby on when I feel her stir and drift back to sleep, never really fully waking up. For me, this is key to survival during the first few months of intense night feedings!
Here are some things I have learned about co-sleeping you may not know. I cannot validate these claims by citing exactly where this information is found. I just remember either reading or hearing these facts and they stuck with me.
First, America has one of the highest rate of SIDS in the world and we also have the lowest rate of co-sleeping. In countries that almost universally co-sleep, SIDS is unheard of. In fact, other countries think we are crazy for putting our newborns in a crib in a separate room. I remember this information from the report my classmate in grad school gave. I also learned that every documented case of a death resulting from co-sleeping, due to rolling on top of the baby, was from a father, not a mother, unless drugs or alcohol were involved. A mother is aware of her baby even in sleep. I read somewhere else that a mother and her co-sleeping infant's circadian rhythms synchronize so that when a baby enters a light phase of sleep, so does her mother so that the baby never fully awakens and cries to be fed, nor does a mother fully awaken. Instead, she simply latches her baby on in this light phase of sleep and then both peacefully drift back to dreamland. Another tidbit of information I read is that a lactating, co-sleeping mother does not ever enter the fourth stage of sleep, or deep sleep, but travels through stages 1-3, then REM. My guess is that this insures that she does not sleep so deeply that she could roll on her baby.
One interesting story about co-sleeping involves Katria. Cameron and I believe that co-sleeping saved her life. When she was 4 days old, we came home from the hospital and she slept with us. Cameron was nervous because she was so tiny, but I could not part with her. The next night found us in the PICU with her on a respirator. She had stopped breathing. We learned that it is not lack of oxygen that causes a baby to take a breath, but a build-up of carbon dioxide. Thus, as Katria slept next to me that first night, I breathed into her face all night--carbon dioxide--reminding her frail body to breath. Had she slept on her own, she may have stopped breathing that first night while we slept unknowingly. This theory could explain why SIDS is so rare in co-sleeping countries.
Co-sleeping is not for everyone. Some mothers cannot sleep with the noise of their newborns. Others are too nervous that they will harm the baby. For me, I am more nervous about not having my baby close to me. I fear that the risk of something happening is far greater when my baby is not with me. All of the choices we make regarding our babies are so personal: scheduling vs. nursing on demand, co-sleeping, crying-it-out, breastfeeding, etc. Only we can make those choices. You can find research to back up whatever you believe and research against the opposite view. The problem is when we allow others to make us feel guilty for our choices. Is there a "right" way? Maybe. We all believe that our way is the right way and would never choose to harm our babies. In addition, each baby is so different. I just wanted to share why we co-sleep and some interesting things I have learned along the way! :)
In Christ, Laura
I see so many young mothers now handling their infants with such expertise, such poise, such knowledge and that was NOT me. I was a nervous wreck. I knew nothing. Breastfeeding was the most painful and hardest thing in the world. I am not kidding. I cracked and bled for 6 weeks, visited a lactation consultant more than 5 times and did not really heal for 3 months. I still bear the scars. I was also an emotional basket case. Okay . . . Enough about my inadequacies . . . :). Onto co-sleeping.
So, the first night home from the hospital, our newborn Anna made all these strange noises that freaked me out--squeaks, grunts, and weird breathing sounds. She was in a bassinet next to our bed and I could not sleep. Every noise led me to believe that she was on the verge of waking up. I finally pulled her into bed with me and held her close, feeling more secure in the knowledge that when she woke up I would know it. I nursed her laying down and was able to rest at the same time.
I enjoyed the security of having her close to me. It was the best bonding experience and it felt so good to have her little body snuggled next to mine. Anna slept with me for 8 weeks until she was moved to a bassinet next to our bed and then eventually her own crib. We repeated the same pattern with each of our children. It is not that I planned to move them at 8 weeks, it was just the time when they started becoming more wiggly and slept better on their own. I would love to co-sleep longer. We'll see how long Semaiah lasts. I am living proof that it is a myth that if you have your baby sleep with you they will not ever leave your bed. I have successfully transferred 5 babies to their cribs.
One huge benefit of co-sleeping is that I am not sleep-deprived. I simply latch the baby on when I feel her stir and drift back to sleep, never really fully waking up. For me, this is key to survival during the first few months of intense night feedings!
Here are some things I have learned about co-sleeping you may not know. I cannot validate these claims by citing exactly where this information is found. I just remember either reading or hearing these facts and they stuck with me.
First, America has one of the highest rate of SIDS in the world and we also have the lowest rate of co-sleeping. In countries that almost universally co-sleep, SIDS is unheard of. In fact, other countries think we are crazy for putting our newborns in a crib in a separate room. I remember this information from the report my classmate in grad school gave. I also learned that every documented case of a death resulting from co-sleeping, due to rolling on top of the baby, was from a father, not a mother, unless drugs or alcohol were involved. A mother is aware of her baby even in sleep. I read somewhere else that a mother and her co-sleeping infant's circadian rhythms synchronize so that when a baby enters a light phase of sleep, so does her mother so that the baby never fully awakens and cries to be fed, nor does a mother fully awaken. Instead, she simply latches her baby on in this light phase of sleep and then both peacefully drift back to dreamland. Another tidbit of information I read is that a lactating, co-sleeping mother does not ever enter the fourth stage of sleep, or deep sleep, but travels through stages 1-3, then REM. My guess is that this insures that she does not sleep so deeply that she could roll on her baby.
One interesting story about co-sleeping involves Katria. Cameron and I believe that co-sleeping saved her life. When she was 4 days old, we came home from the hospital and she slept with us. Cameron was nervous because she was so tiny, but I could not part with her. The next night found us in the PICU with her on a respirator. She had stopped breathing. We learned that it is not lack of oxygen that causes a baby to take a breath, but a build-up of carbon dioxide. Thus, as Katria slept next to me that first night, I breathed into her face all night--carbon dioxide--reminding her frail body to breath. Had she slept on her own, she may have stopped breathing that first night while we slept unknowingly. This theory could explain why SIDS is so rare in co-sleeping countries.
Co-sleeping is not for everyone. Some mothers cannot sleep with the noise of their newborns. Others are too nervous that they will harm the baby. For me, I am more nervous about not having my baby close to me. I fear that the risk of something happening is far greater when my baby is not with me. All of the choices we make regarding our babies are so personal: scheduling vs. nursing on demand, co-sleeping, crying-it-out, breastfeeding, etc. Only we can make those choices. You can find research to back up whatever you believe and research against the opposite view. The problem is when we allow others to make us feel guilty for our choices. Is there a "right" way? Maybe. We all believe that our way is the right way and would never choose to harm our babies. In addition, each baby is so different. I just wanted to share why we co-sleep and some interesting things I have learned along the way! :)
In Christ, Laura
Friday, July 10, 2009
Pictures from 4th of July
My friend, Savannah, and I had our babies just 3 days apart! Her daughter, Natalie Claire, was born June 17th.
Here we are, together with our precious baby girls, at a Fourth of July party:
Don't the babies look enthused? lol! Also, get a gander at the bruise on my left arm from the rhogam shot! Semaiah is 3 weeks old today and I STILL have it! Crazy.
In Christ, Laura
Here we are, together with our precious baby girls, at a Fourth of July party:
Don't the babies look enthused? lol! Also, get a gander at the bruise on my left arm from the rhogam shot! Semaiah is 3 weeks old today and I STILL have it! Crazy.
In Christ, Laura
Family News
Today was my first day solo and I survived! Cameron returned to work and my parents left today. I was really tired, but the kids stepped up and helped out a lot. Semaiah is really a great baby. She is still in the newborn "sleepy" stage so she is napping most of the time. She nurses every 3 hours and is really efficient. As of Tuesday, she was already 8lb. 7 oz.--almost a lb. above her birth weight and up 1.5 lbs. since her first check-up! My prayer is that she will be our first chubby baby!
Cameron and my dad spent this week building a chicken coop! Our baby chicks are scheduled to arrive next week! Very exciting. I cannot wait to have fresh eggs! I grew up with chickens, so this kind of feels like a return to my childhood for me--brings back lots of memories--like getting chased by our rooster who was vicious and would attack me with the sharp talons on his legs! I was terrified of him! Thankfully, we ordered more docile breeds of chickens. Those Rhode Island Reds are mean!
My mom cooked up a storm while she was here and my freezer is stocked! It was so nice to have her cooking all week and now we can look forward to enjoying more of it in the weeks to come. My favorites of hers are her stuffed cabbage and sauerkraut and kielbasa (yes, my grandparents were Polish). We are always sad to see my parents go because they live so far and visits are few. We may see them in September and again in October, but it seems like a long time to wait. I miss the days when we could hop in the car and be at their house in 30 minutes. Why does time seem to go by so fast when they are here? Now, I am looking forward to introducing Semaiah to Cameron's parents! Maybe soon? (hint hint ;) ).
In Christ, Laura
Cameron and my dad spent this week building a chicken coop! Our baby chicks are scheduled to arrive next week! Very exciting. I cannot wait to have fresh eggs! I grew up with chickens, so this kind of feels like a return to my childhood for me--brings back lots of memories--like getting chased by our rooster who was vicious and would attack me with the sharp talons on his legs! I was terrified of him! Thankfully, we ordered more docile breeds of chickens. Those Rhode Island Reds are mean!
My mom cooked up a storm while she was here and my freezer is stocked! It was so nice to have her cooking all week and now we can look forward to enjoying more of it in the weeks to come. My favorites of hers are her stuffed cabbage and sauerkraut and kielbasa (yes, my grandparents were Polish). We are always sad to see my parents go because they live so far and visits are few. We may see them in September and again in October, but it seems like a long time to wait. I miss the days when we could hop in the car and be at their house in 30 minutes. Why does time seem to go by so fast when they are here? Now, I am looking forward to introducing Semaiah to Cameron's parents! Maybe soon? (hint hint ;) ).
In Christ, Laura
Friday, July 3, 2009
"The Book Thief"
I love a book that makes me think. Some read to escape, to learn, to be entertained, to pass the time. Whatever the reason every work has the potential to change us, to take us to a place we have never seen and make us feel like we were there; to allow us to experience something we have never gone through. Even a work of fiction can deeply affect us. The written word is so powerful. The words themselves may be forgotten, names of characters may slip our minds, but the themes of the book may impact us forever. I guess that is why it is so important to choose what we fill our minds with wisely.
I just finished reading "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. This book made me think. It was not a page-turner and was almost too much for my post-partum, sleep-deprived mind to read. I wanted some "light" reading to pass the time while I nursed. This book was not suspenseful, full of adventure or intrigue. It was about suffering and loss and also endurance. The story takes place in Germany during World War II. The main character is an adolescent girl who is the "book thief". The narrator is death. Sound like light reading to you?
When I finished the book, I began to introspect about suffering and loss and about the heaviness of living when one loses a loved one, specifically a child. This led me to think about what it would be like to lose one of my own children. You can see where my hormonal, post-partum mind was leading me: Down a one-way road to crying with my poor husband trying to console me over this book and its affect on me!
I first began to think about suffering in my own life and how minimal it has been compared to what many in the human race have endured. I thought about the Jews in the concentration camps and how their lives on earth were a living hell. And then if they died without knowing Jesus as their Savior . . . What hope did they have in this life and what hope did they have in death? I thought about women who just 100 years ago, had a slew of children and it was common for at least 1-2 of them to die in infancy. I have heard people comment that that is why they had so many, because some were bound to die. How callous to not realize that every child is unique and the loss of one leaves a cut deep in a mother's heart for the rest of her life. She cannot replace a child by having another one. Even a miscarriage deeply grieves a mother's soul. Though she never smelled her baby's hair or held it tenderly to her breast to nurse, she will never forget that baby. Life is so precious. I thought about what it would be like to lose one of my own children and I gazed upon the beauty of my newborn and cried. Just 10 days old and she has stolen my heart. If I were to lose her . . .
I then thought about how blessed I am. I have 7 beautiful, healthy children. I have only come close to losing one, perilously close, and it changed my life forever. If we had not almost lost her Elyse, Haven, Semaiah, and Abigail would not be here. It was almost losing a child that caused Cameron and I to realize that children are a blessing that God can give and take away. And if He chooses to take one of "ours" (are they not His?) we are still to praise Him and call Him good. I had to come to terms with that as I watched my newborn Katria fight for her life, battling bacterial meningitis at 5 days old, so tiny, premature, and helpless.
As I was thinking these thoughts, I was suddenly overwhelmed by God's goodness to me in that He gave me this precious gift in Semaiah. So many people, while I was pregnant, would tell me that they were glad it was me and not them that had so many children. This made me so sad for them. You see, with each baby, I understand more of God's grace, His goodness to me that I do not deserve. I am more in love with each baby, more in awe at the miracle of life. It does not get old; every smile, coo, and newborn baby sigh is infinitely precious to me. So why wouldn't we joyfully accept more of these blessings from Him, letting God choose when they come instead of carefully planning the timing and making jokes when we have an "oops!" baby?
Because of the suffering. Because morning sickness and pregnancy is hard. Labor and delivery is hard. Nursing is hard, sleep deprivation, training in obedience . . . it is all hard. It is a type of suffering. It is hard on our marriage when we have to work harder than our spouse and we feel that it is an injustice. It is hard on our kids when they can't do something because the baby has to nap, or mommy doesn't feel good. It is hard on us women when we receive the comments in the grocery store, when every stranger asks "Are these all yours?" meaning "Surely you must be an idiot!". It is even more difficult when well-meaning Christians make comments . . . or don't to our faces and we speculate about what they must really think of us.
However, let us think about this suffering a moment. Compared to what others have endured, is it really suffering? Our lives are so so short. One day we will be in heaven for eternity, praising our LORD forever. If I had 10 children on earth (and endured all that "suffering") and each one receives Christ as his or her Lord and Savior, there will be 10 more eternal souls in heaven praising Him! And to think that I got to participate in that! Yes, we may not have been able to go to Disney Land, have gourmet birthday parties, or wore designer clothes, but will that matter? Will I think twice about all the hours of sleep I lost on earth nursing? Will I remember the pain of pregnancy and labor? No.
Okay, I have to be honest. After I had Haven I did not want another baby. I couldn't even imagine it. I dreaded getting pregnant again. I found out I was pregnant with Semaiah on my birthday and I cried. I worried about telling people we were pregnant AGAIN and wondering what they really thought about me. But you know, God changed my heart. It had to be Him because in my flesh, I care too much what people think about me. This is the first pregnancy that I truly enjoyed every minute of it. (okay maybe not while I was throwing up! lol). All of my other pregnancies I was ready for them to come to an end. I begged for them to come to an end. This was my longest pregnancy to date, I am older--so this is supposedly harder on my body--this was #6, yet I didn't want for it to end. I came home from the hospital and saw my maternity bathing suit hanging in the bathroom, left to dry the day I went into labor, and I started to cry. To not feel the baby move inside me anymore, to not look forward with delighted anticipation to her arrival made me feel a little empty. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather have her in my arms, but I grieved the loss of that special time. God did that. I went from saying, "I never want to do that again," to "If we have another one," and "Next time . . ."
And let me talk about the suffering of labor--my postpartum, sleep-deprived brain is rambling! :) --It IS suffering, and some would say needless because there are now pain medications. Cameron and I were talking about this pain and he was saying that it is ordained by God as part of the curse. Now we believe that pain meds are God's grace, but I now realize that when you use them you may miss out on a blessing. Just as it may not be a sin to use birth control and limit family size, you may be missing out on a blessing. Yes, there are blessings IN suffering. As a result of the pain I endured in labor, I felt closer to God than ever before. I had to depend on Him. I depended on Him even before labor to produce joy in me to endure the last few weeks. I trusted Him to begin my labor without pitocin. I trusted Him to choose the perfect timing according to Cameron's paternity leave, my parent's visit, and Cameron's presentation. God was so good! He answered all of our prayers! I also felt closer and more dependent on Cameron. He helped me through the whole thing. There are things that we go through in marriage to cement our bond, our "oneness" and I can honestly say that this was one of those experiences! It was amazing. Cameron and I saw what God did, we marveled at it together, we shared this experience as one and it grew us. I now look at Semaiah and see what a treasure she is and I know that she is worth every second of that pain. I didn't have the same experience with my other labors. I was just so relieved to not be pregnant and to move on. These are blessings that resulted from my suffering and I wouldn't trade that pain for anything.
As Cameron and I talked about human suffering after I read "The Book Thief", he reminded me that without Christ our suffering is for naught. It is hopeless. But, with Christ, there is a purpose to our suffering. We can have hope that the trials we go through are not in vain. They are making us more like Christ, drawing us closer to Christ. There is a purpose in each trial, we need not complain. We have to trust that they are for our good, somehow.
"The Book Thief" also reminded me that I am so sinful that I don't deserve God's goodness. I deserve to suffer! I think we forget how wicked me are and how holy God is when we hear of suffering and see it as an injustice. I don't deserve the blessing of 7 healthy children. When so many mothers have lost their children to miscarriage, disease, hunger and war, why have I been so blessed? Why would I ever call a child a burden, even through my actions by telling God that I do not want His gift? I am so sinful, so depraved, yet God has chosen to bless me 7 times! A burden? Absolutely not. The suffering of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting? It is nothing. Nothing compared to the eternal rewards. I promise.
Yes, sometimes a book will make you think . . . sometimes it may even change your life.
In Christ, Laura
I just finished reading "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. This book made me think. It was not a page-turner and was almost too much for my post-partum, sleep-deprived mind to read. I wanted some "light" reading to pass the time while I nursed. This book was not suspenseful, full of adventure or intrigue. It was about suffering and loss and also endurance. The story takes place in Germany during World War II. The main character is an adolescent girl who is the "book thief". The narrator is death. Sound like light reading to you?
When I finished the book, I began to introspect about suffering and loss and about the heaviness of living when one loses a loved one, specifically a child. This led me to think about what it would be like to lose one of my own children. You can see where my hormonal, post-partum mind was leading me: Down a one-way road to crying with my poor husband trying to console me over this book and its affect on me!
I first began to think about suffering in my own life and how minimal it has been compared to what many in the human race have endured. I thought about the Jews in the concentration camps and how their lives on earth were a living hell. And then if they died without knowing Jesus as their Savior . . . What hope did they have in this life and what hope did they have in death? I thought about women who just 100 years ago, had a slew of children and it was common for at least 1-2 of them to die in infancy. I have heard people comment that that is why they had so many, because some were bound to die. How callous to not realize that every child is unique and the loss of one leaves a cut deep in a mother's heart for the rest of her life. She cannot replace a child by having another one. Even a miscarriage deeply grieves a mother's soul. Though she never smelled her baby's hair or held it tenderly to her breast to nurse, she will never forget that baby. Life is so precious. I thought about what it would be like to lose one of my own children and I gazed upon the beauty of my newborn and cried. Just 10 days old and she has stolen my heart. If I were to lose her . . .
I then thought about how blessed I am. I have 7 beautiful, healthy children. I have only come close to losing one, perilously close, and it changed my life forever. If we had not almost lost her Elyse, Haven, Semaiah, and Abigail would not be here. It was almost losing a child that caused Cameron and I to realize that children are a blessing that God can give and take away. And if He chooses to take one of "ours" (are they not His?) we are still to praise Him and call Him good. I had to come to terms with that as I watched my newborn Katria fight for her life, battling bacterial meningitis at 5 days old, so tiny, premature, and helpless.
As I was thinking these thoughts, I was suddenly overwhelmed by God's goodness to me in that He gave me this precious gift in Semaiah. So many people, while I was pregnant, would tell me that they were glad it was me and not them that had so many children. This made me so sad for them. You see, with each baby, I understand more of God's grace, His goodness to me that I do not deserve. I am more in love with each baby, more in awe at the miracle of life. It does not get old; every smile, coo, and newborn baby sigh is infinitely precious to me. So why wouldn't we joyfully accept more of these blessings from Him, letting God choose when they come instead of carefully planning the timing and making jokes when we have an "oops!" baby?
Because of the suffering. Because morning sickness and pregnancy is hard. Labor and delivery is hard. Nursing is hard, sleep deprivation, training in obedience . . . it is all hard. It is a type of suffering. It is hard on our marriage when we have to work harder than our spouse and we feel that it is an injustice. It is hard on our kids when they can't do something because the baby has to nap, or mommy doesn't feel good. It is hard on us women when we receive the comments in the grocery store, when every stranger asks "Are these all yours?" meaning "Surely you must be an idiot!". It is even more difficult when well-meaning Christians make comments . . . or don't to our faces and we speculate about what they must really think of us.
However, let us think about this suffering a moment. Compared to what others have endured, is it really suffering? Our lives are so so short. One day we will be in heaven for eternity, praising our LORD forever. If I had 10 children on earth (and endured all that "suffering") and each one receives Christ as his or her Lord and Savior, there will be 10 more eternal souls in heaven praising Him! And to think that I got to participate in that! Yes, we may not have been able to go to Disney Land, have gourmet birthday parties, or wore designer clothes, but will that matter? Will I think twice about all the hours of sleep I lost on earth nursing? Will I remember the pain of pregnancy and labor? No.
Okay, I have to be honest. After I had Haven I did not want another baby. I couldn't even imagine it. I dreaded getting pregnant again. I found out I was pregnant with Semaiah on my birthday and I cried. I worried about telling people we were pregnant AGAIN and wondering what they really thought about me. But you know, God changed my heart. It had to be Him because in my flesh, I care too much what people think about me. This is the first pregnancy that I truly enjoyed every minute of it. (okay maybe not while I was throwing up! lol). All of my other pregnancies I was ready for them to come to an end. I begged for them to come to an end. This was my longest pregnancy to date, I am older--so this is supposedly harder on my body--this was #6, yet I didn't want for it to end. I came home from the hospital and saw my maternity bathing suit hanging in the bathroom, left to dry the day I went into labor, and I started to cry. To not feel the baby move inside me anymore, to not look forward with delighted anticipation to her arrival made me feel a little empty. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather have her in my arms, but I grieved the loss of that special time. God did that. I went from saying, "I never want to do that again," to "If we have another one," and "Next time . . ."
And let me talk about the suffering of labor--my postpartum, sleep-deprived brain is rambling! :) --It IS suffering, and some would say needless because there are now pain medications. Cameron and I were talking about this pain and he was saying that it is ordained by God as part of the curse. Now we believe that pain meds are God's grace, but I now realize that when you use them you may miss out on a blessing. Just as it may not be a sin to use birth control and limit family size, you may be missing out on a blessing. Yes, there are blessings IN suffering. As a result of the pain I endured in labor, I felt closer to God than ever before. I had to depend on Him. I depended on Him even before labor to produce joy in me to endure the last few weeks. I trusted Him to begin my labor without pitocin. I trusted Him to choose the perfect timing according to Cameron's paternity leave, my parent's visit, and Cameron's presentation. God was so good! He answered all of our prayers! I also felt closer and more dependent on Cameron. He helped me through the whole thing. There are things that we go through in marriage to cement our bond, our "oneness" and I can honestly say that this was one of those experiences! It was amazing. Cameron and I saw what God did, we marveled at it together, we shared this experience as one and it grew us. I now look at Semaiah and see what a treasure she is and I know that she is worth every second of that pain. I didn't have the same experience with my other labors. I was just so relieved to not be pregnant and to move on. These are blessings that resulted from my suffering and I wouldn't trade that pain for anything.
As Cameron and I talked about human suffering after I read "The Book Thief", he reminded me that without Christ our suffering is for naught. It is hopeless. But, with Christ, there is a purpose to our suffering. We can have hope that the trials we go through are not in vain. They are making us more like Christ, drawing us closer to Christ. There is a purpose in each trial, we need not complain. We have to trust that they are for our good, somehow.
"The Book Thief" also reminded me that I am so sinful that I don't deserve God's goodness. I deserve to suffer! I think we forget how wicked me are and how holy God is when we hear of suffering and see it as an injustice. I don't deserve the blessing of 7 healthy children. When so many mothers have lost their children to miscarriage, disease, hunger and war, why have I been so blessed? Why would I ever call a child a burden, even through my actions by telling God that I do not want His gift? I am so sinful, so depraved, yet God has chosen to bless me 7 times! A burden? Absolutely not. The suffering of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting? It is nothing. Nothing compared to the eternal rewards. I promise.
Yes, sometimes a book will make you think . . . sometimes it may even change your life.
In Christ, Laura
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